Monday, January 3, 2011

Legra's Law - * 2 * - The Policemen and the Pee

One night in college, my friend, who I will let remain nameless, and I, had ordered food after a long binge-full night of drinking at our faithful watering hole. Our building, holding the world's slowest elevator, always demanded leaving 15 minutes earlier to get to where you wanted to be on time. Since "hunger" was our midnight name, we decided to be proactive and not wait for the delivery guy to call up. We would just go down and wait.

Of course, upon arriving downstairs, my friend, who will remain nameless, had to go to the bathroom. With no other viable option, I assured her that the giant mailbox next to our residence was a perfectly safe spot to go. What?! If you had lived in our old, World War II throwback building you would know that it took less time to order a beer and drink it than to take that elevator. So public urination, at the time, seemed a better option. And if you knew my friend you knew that it didn't take much convincing.

As she was for the second time that evening being proactive, I saw two men approaching us. Though I was a bit intoxicated, I had a bad feeling. They were not students i had ever seen and in fact, looked too old to be... and who the heck would be downtown on our street at that time of night. Check out William Street, or better yet Downtown Manhattan at 3 am - let's just say they don;t call Manhattan the city that never sleeps because of Downtown, my friends.

I loudly whispered, "Someone's coming, go inside."

I heard the quick zip, "What? Who?"

"I don't know, just hide inside for now," I demanded. As with good friends, she didn't react, she just listened, ran inside quickly, hid in the foyer of our building peaking out and listening.

One of the gentlemen asked, "Where's your friend that was with you?"

"What friend?" I asked, playing stupid.

"The girl that was out here with you?"

"What friend?" I continued, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Listen, we are Downtown police officers and we know your friend was urinating in public, so let's just make it easy on everyone, find her, and tell her to come outside."

I kept seeing my friend's head pop in and out and I knew she wanted to come out, but I continued to stick to my story, "I don't know what you are talking about. I am waiting for a food delivery and no one is out here with me."

They continued to dig and ask questions and when shall remain nameless friend could finally take it no longer, she came out yelling, "Stop being mean to her."

I think they responded to her drunk talk, but all I could hear is my friend continuing to tell them to stop yelling at me, "You don't have to be so mean," she said.

They finally asked, "You do know that it's a public offense to urinate in public? We could take you downtown."

Besides the fact that we were already Downtown, together, my friend and I stuck to our story, "We don't know what you're talking about. We were just waiting for our delivery and you both came over and started yelling at us."

Eventually, the undercover officers finished reprimanding us, and knew that their threats were a lot of effort for two girls that weren't really worth it. They left, we got our food, and Lesley and I went back upstairs.

Moral of the story: Always stick up for your friends. They’ll get you through anything.

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