Thursday, October 17, 2013

Bitch Please. I'm Writing.

"And what do you do?"
I dread this question. Not because I don't like my answer - although I still haven't quite found a way to confidently tell people that I'm a writer, stay at home mother - but because of the response I get when I tell some of these people that I'm a writer, stay at home mother. Because not only do these people usually poo poo the writing part, they poo poo the mommying part too.

It's like an Oh that's cute response.
Yeah but what's your real job? response.
It's an Uh-huh but how do you get paid? response.

This is my real job. And I get paid in cookies. Thats not true.
I don't even get cookies.

And it isn't cute. It's hard.

It isn't easy to have a job that you sometimes feel the need to justify. And I'm not just talking about justifying it to other people, I'm talking about sometimes having to convince myself that I'm a writer, that all of this work and writing and time and non-moneymaking is worth it. So when these people ask me And what do you do? I dread the conversation that comes next.

Because I want to tell these people that they should wake up every morning and go to work for free (unless you count your two year old hitting you upside the head as payment - then yeah... I make bank). I wonder how many of them would still be at that job in a year? How about two years? I want to tell these people that think my writing/mommy days are spent checking my facebook that it's not easy to discipline myself every day. Every morning I wake up and feed, play with, and change my kids. Every day, I get shit done around the house while making sure my two-year-old isn't breaking said shit. Most days I have to get dressed while chasing my daughter who stole the lipstick out of my purse and is now full sprint down the hall like a thief bandit on the run. I can't use the bathroom or brush my teeth without Rafaella banging on the door screaming Mamiiiiii. And I won't mention in detail my 6 month old, Santiago who doesn't like to be put down - like not verbally. Physically. The life of a stay at home mom is as relaxing as using a restroom at a truck stop. So it's not. Relaxing that is. From here, I put those angels down for their 11:00 am nap and run out the door - -usually already in a full on sweat - to work on my writing - yep that other cute, not real job that I don't get paid for.

Every day at all moments I am taking in experiences, articles, moments, blogs that I could write about. My brain never turns off. It never stands still. (I am currently in schedule for a serious breakdown.)

Last night, in the middle of the night, I rolled our bed into the middle of the room and faced my feet where my head would normally be because there was a crazy lightning storm and I was sure that lightning would strike my head. I made Husband do the same. Hmmm... maybe I'll write about this tomorrow. That was my thought. Seriously?! Lightning could strike my head and I was thinking that this might be a good topic to write about.

Every moment of every day I do this. So when you ask me what I do and I say I'm a writer, stay at home mother don't look at me like I'm some grown up still trying to live out a college dream, like I do nothing for a living. And definitely don't look at me like I'm Franny Free Time watching TV or shopping online or gossiping on the phone...

Bitch please, I'm writing.

P.S. Thank you to one of Mike's student's parents yesterday who met me and said, "Oh hey. So you're the writer?"And not in that snarky way. That felt awesome!

Thank you Husband for obviously telling people that I'm a writer.


  1. I love the title of this post, it made me laugh! While I'm not writer, I know some of my working friends think it's so easy for me that I stay at home with my daughter and have my "little blog". They don't know how draining it could be at home all day and how much work you actually do have to put into blogging and networking! I really enjoyed your take on this!
    Karen @ Karen's Soiree

  2. I loved this!! I have so much trouble actually calling myself a writer. Maybe because I am in this in-between of blogging and working toward a freelance writing career, but feel like I don't have a lot to show yet. So I always feel like a bit of a fake when I say, "I'm a writer." But my husband is the one who always reminds me that I pour my heart out in words and people love to read it. That makes me a writer - I write. So you put a lot of my feelings into words. Maybe from now on, I will just look at people and say, "Bitch please, I'm writing." :)

    1. i think artist of any kind have this problem because we are creating something that has never been and that's a pretty vulnerable place to be. (I might have heard something like that on Oprah - hee hee hee) but our husbands are right. We are writers because we wake up every morning and write.

  3. I have a similar issue being able to say that I'm an artist. It's hard to feel like I've earned the title. I don't think I'll ever consider myself a writer, even as I write, LOL. Being A SAHM is hard as hell!!! I am back to work in 3 weeks and I am somewhat relieved and then kinda sad. I would love to stay at home with the girls all day, but I think I would go cray cray.

    1. i said to Beth, "i think artists of any kind have this problem because we are creating something that has never been and that's a pretty vulnerable place to be. (I might have heard something like that on Oprah - hee hee hee) but what is there to earn. money? recognition? i doubt myself everyday and everyday i write anyway. oh and SAHmoms. what an even harder, thankless job. artist and mom? what were we thinking???

  4. It's really funny how people think stay at home mom life is so easy, add in blogging or any other small business ventures that make them laugh. It's HARD. I was naive before I became a mom, but man was I smacked into place when it was my time haha. It's definitely not the easy cake walk relaxing time everyone thinks it is, however, it is absolutely amazing and wonderful even if it is stressful and difficult at times. Thanks for sharing mama! :)

    1. thanks for reading, mama! anything attached to stay at home mom is HARD WORK! and i would argue that anything that doesn't have a set path, like artist, writer, creator is almost as hard. there's no set path, no writers 101 classes to take and then bam! you're a writer. you just have to love it and keep going and that is hard enough without people not just thinking "It's so easy." But actually saying it. Bitch, pleeeease.

  5. You are the s***!! Wow, I love that you are "A Writer". You are excellent at 'your job', and don't let anyone tell you any different. I feel your frustration because I am now 'a housewife' and my job is "doing anything and everything for everyone because they think I do nothing, all day!" :) You & me, kid xo

    Patchwork sent me over here, by way of #AskAwayFriday, and I am so happy to meet you! I adore Meg.

    1. WENDY MAY! YOU are the s***. Thanks for thinking I'm the s***! i find so many things to fill up my day that aren't watching television or catching up on the view that it is so funny to me that people think if you're not "traditionally working" you must just be sitting around. My husband says all the time that he would never have the discipline to stay home or be a writer. And it's true, not everyone could make staying at home work - work. I adore Meg too. We actually met years ago when we worked together in the same school district. Although I'm pretty sure that then we had Happy Hour Fridays and not Ask Away Fridays - haha. GREAT meeting you!

  6. amazeballs bitch! I love this!! I was just saying how overwhelmed I am and feeling like it is hard to get caught up with anything. This is my life with a 10 month old without the lightening storm last night. My mind never turns off and I am always chasing my tail! I love, love, love this!

  7. Ha ha! I always feel like I have to justify the writer/blogger title. One person even asked, "You actually make money with that?" Uh, yeah, a little. And I get free shit, too, so there!

    I always feel like I have to justify "what I do" because I graduated college. I think a lot of people are like, "And then what?"

    You are a writer!


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