Monday, September 9, 2013

A House Divided

This weekend as I was cruising down the supermarket aisle with Husband, I began having a spasm attack. No need to worry; it wasn't painful. It was more of a mental crackdown that went something like this:
Husband: Jen, do you want to get the eggs and bacon or the chicken and avocado?
Me: Huh?
Husband: Eggs or chicken? Which do you want to get?
Me (tossing my head down to the cart being totally over the top dramatic): neither. I don't want to get neither.
Husband: ok, Jen. You get the eggs and bacon ( let's just say he's used to this kind of mental crackdown.)
At this point, I should give you the details that led to this event. It started an hour earlier when I received this text:
You should come to the Belinda Carlsle concert with me.
And then these are how the next few texts followed:

So I have to say that I kinda wanted to go. Before I was Married Mommy Jen, I was Young Party Jen. Actually, I was Young Party Jen for longer than I have been Married Mommy Jen. I tel lyou this so that you could understand why sometimes I still act a bit selfish. So the Jen, formally known as Young Party wanted to go. I could feel that feeling of excitement when you don't know what the night holds for you creeping in and Young Party Jen wanted to say Yes.

But Married Mommy Jen had been decorating, organizing, and doing dishes all day and had just spent the last hour looking for an area rug and was now food shopping for tonight's dinner. That Jen, just wanted to watch a movie and drink a glass of wine. Ok. Two glasses of wine.

Looking for an easy out, I asked the deal breaking question:
What time does it start? 
This was my chance. She would say around 7:00 and since our kids are still so young it takes both parents to finagle bed time I would have to say Oh man. That's the kids' bed time and so I couldn't be out of the house til at least 7:45, so I'm afraid I will have to decline. My decision would be made. But she responded:
Oof. Didn't. See. That. Coming.

It would be super possible to get out of the house by 9:00. Now, it would be up to me, just me to make the decision. No easy deal breaker escape.

I was torn.
Husband: Jen, do you want to get the eggs and bacon or the chicken and avocado?
Me: Huh?
Husband: Eggs or chicken? Which do you want to get?
What was happening here wasn't the deep considering of the chicken or the egg. What was happening here is that I was so consumed by both Jens that I couldn't even understand what he was asking me.

See, I don't think I really wanted to say yes. I think I wanted to say no but the old Jen - Young Party Jen - the one I've been for way longer than Married Mommy Jen - was remembering a time when she was free to make any decision she wanted without thinking about bath time and bed time and baby's crying in the middle of the night and waking up early the next morning no matter how late you stayed out. For that Jen, life was easy. Say yes. Have fun. Come home. Sleep late. 

And even though I think I wanted to say no, there was something about saying no that was making me anxious. In even thinking about saying no I felt like I was spiraling out of control, like I was losing myself; losing the girl that used to say yes and that used to be down for any adventure. Because I never thought I wouldn't be that girl - the one that said yes to adventures. The funny thing is, it's not like I haven't said no to plenty of things but for whatever reason, on this evening, this no was giving me a mental crackdown of epic proportions. Hence, adult tantrum:
Me (tossing my head down to the cart being totally over the top dramatic): neither. I don't want to get either one.
Husband: ok, Jen. You get the eggs and bacon ( let's just say he's used to this kind of mental crackdown.)
When we were at the checkout counter I looked at Husband and as quickly as I could purged, "I-want-to-stay-home-and-watch-a-movie-with-you." All one word.

So that's why you've been acting like a crackpot? Husband laughed.

I tried to explain to him the complexity of my dualing ban-Jens. How they were tugging at me from both sides with atomic force; one wanted me to be Young Party at a concert and the other wanted me to be Married Mommy with a movie. I tried to explain this at the checkout counter. I'm sure the cashier was grateful that she didn't understand English.

Husband wisdomed "A house divided cannot stand."

Then I got a message from Single Fun Friend that read this:

What do I look like, a young, party girl that scalps tickets????
Thank you Single Fun Friend for the easy deal breaker escape... 

House no longer divided.


  1. I love you. You're my most fun Married Mommy friend. I'm sorry I stressed you out! Why am I "Dogs at Work"?!?!

    BTW: we spent less than half of face value on those scalped tickets and snuck up to front row...then backstage. But, it wasn't any fun at all... ;)

    1. hahahaha. Dogs at Work. i meant to change that. it was just an image I copied. although maybe now you'll go in my phone as Dogs at Work and I'll giggle every time you call. FYI - i stress myself out... all the time. You did not stress me out. And I knew it was going to be that kind of night... darn it!

  2. Great insight into adult growing pains...we all have them in some form or another!

  3. ha ha ha ha ha! I go through the dualing women a lot! And it doesn't help that I feel like I'm surround by mom-friends who are in their thirties like me but really don't want to be in their thirties, or moms, or wives. They all want to go out and act like non-moms. Part of me wants this but another part of me feels like that ship has sailed and I don't want to be "that girl" that's in the club without her husband.

    Anyway, you explained me! I've been there, too! Too many decisions so I'm just shutting down and watching the Real Housewives.

    1. clubs are an instant NOPE for me. drinks...yes. Clubs... no. shutting down and watching reality TV...absolutely.

  4. I can so relate to this!! It seems like the "in-between" times are always so hard - when you're kind of caught between one stage and another. I just keep wondering when I'm get out of the in-between! You expressed the feelings so well!

  5. I know how you feel! Sometimes I want to go out for a late night with friends. And then I remember how tired I will be the next day when my daughter is up so early!! Before baby I would have just slept in! It's so hard to find the balance and not forget about you! I think all mom's struggle with this! Glad you found your easy way out though!

    1. THere is definitely no sleeping in which is what usually makes my decision to go out pretty easy.


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