Dear New Dad: Advice from Your Fairy Godmother

Dear New Dads,

After writing some advice to my pre-baby having, younger, new mom self I realized that we aren't the only human in the equation that needs some guidance. As moms, we've at least had 9 months of intensive and intimate training for this baby and while you've had some changes in your daily routine, nothing will ever prepare you for baby in the way that we have been preparing for baby. It's like the difference between joining the Reserves and becoming a NAVY seal... the difference in level of preparedness is astronomical.

Soooo... lucky you, New Dad, I've decided to help guide you, like a fairy godmother, except younger and way hotter. These are just some things to keep in mind in helping your NAVY seal baby mama not want to NAVY seal kick your ass.

No need to thank me.

1. Attention! We will pop out this baby and you will go back to work, if you are lucky, a week later. You will go back to the adult world where people use their mind and wit and will engage in intellectual conversations. We, on the other hand, will stay home talking in a voice two octaves higher than normal to a blob that eats, sleeps, and poops and who will not talk back unless it is screaming or crying at us. (In all fairness, they have no other form of communication.) We will watch The View, The Chew, or The Talk and be updated in the latest happenings of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez... who by the way are back together. That will be our only source to the outside world. So when you get home, we will be wagging our tail like a puppy left home alone all day wanting his owner to play fetch. Play with us. Give us attention. A lot of it. Let us talk until our voice sounds raspy like we've smoked too many cigarettes.

2. This is not Mad Men. Your stay at home wife is not Betty Draper. (Although, New Mom, if you decided to be you could drink in the middle of the day and make no excuse for it - see picture below.) She will not be dressed up in her best pearls, vacuuming the carpet, cooking a 3 course meal, and taking care of baby so pleeeease don't come home disappointed or wondering why the dishes aren't done or the laundry isn't folded. You'll be lucky if she's wearing something different than what she wore the day before and remembered to brush her teeth. Staying home doesn't mean that she has hours upon hours to catch up on things. It means no set lunch hour, no pressure-free bathroom breaks, no minute to herself that isn't shared with that little baby. That stuff will get done, it just might not be in Betty Draper Housewife Style.

3. Check yourself. Most dudes I know say they like their women strong, that they are modern day men that don't want a cooking and cleaning machine but rather someone with ideas, someone smart and with a little fire. (Insert cough...) liars. When push comes to shove some of you guys have at least a small expectation that taking care of baby falls mostly on mom. But knowing that you are actually more this kind of man than you would like to admit is half the battle. I get it. I do. I am the at home parent. Most of the responsibility will fall on me but that doesn't mean that it all should. You need balance. One night for you. One night for her. Many nights for the both of you. Everyone wins. 

4. Choose wisely. Men are never quite sure what to say in certain situations and because of this sometimes you end up putting your foot in your mouth. Be careful what you say right now. Like the old man protecting the grail in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, you must choose wisely or face grave consequences.

You Must Choose, But Choose Wisely

Phrases to Memorize for EMERGENCIES

1. You look skinny. Did you go to the gym?

2. Wine?

3. No one would believe that you're a mom (of two).

4. I bought you a red AND a white.

5. Do you want me to take (Insert Baby Name) to (Insert location) ?

5. Do you want me to take Rafaella to the park?

5.  I promise, she won't always be an emotional wreck. Hang in there and know that for now, you must love her more than ever. Love her wreckage like its the reason you married her because nothing you say will prepare you for the emotions that come with being a mom and sometimes nothing you say will make it better. She is vulnerable right now. She is doubting herself in so many ways. Remember, a human life is in her hands... and women tend to be a little psychotic about that kind of thing. 

6.  Your job is hard. But not as hard. It isn't. What?! It just isn't. And I don't mean your "dad" job, I mean your out of the house job. And here's why... as stressful as your job might be, you get to leave. Imagine that you wake up in the morning and go to work. You arrive and your boss is already yelling at you. You feel like you are putting in so many hours, so much hard work and it's still not right. You work through your lunch break. You sprint through bathroom breaks. You don't socialize with anyone. You work for free. And then the 5:00 whistle blows. But instead of leaving your job for happy hour, you stay...and never leave. You sleep at the office and do it all over again tomorrow. That's being a mom. It is a job that you never clock out of. The other day, I had to use the bathroom and for a half second I was alone and then Rafaella began to knock her baby strong hands into the door and yell, "Mami...MAMI." She wasn't upset or crying, she was just wanting to know where I was. But my moment of solitude was gone. Don't get me wrong here, dad, you get paid and financially support our family so that is important. But in comparison to what baby mama is doing at home, well... you've got it easy. 

7. Your job is hard. No this is not a typo. Your job IS hard. You have to get up early and go to work and come home to a crazy woman who has been talking in the language of Baby all day so when she sees a human being over 2 feet tall she wants to talk and talk and possibly get in a quick shower. I can't imagine it's easy to come home to us sometimes. We know this. No need to remind us. Choose wisely.

8. Mid Life Crisis. Dudes are not the only ones who get to miss the life they used to have. Not all of us are instant moms. Some of us grow into it. It is not lost on me how lucky I am to be a mom, to have these two incredible little people who I get to teach things to and give hugs and kisses to and watch grow but sometimes I still just wanted to go to happy hour with my friends without the responsiblity of having to get home by 7:00 to put the kids to sleep or  the guilt for leaving Mike alone with the kids - even if they are sleeping. We hear a lot about dads who just want the freedom to be who they were in their glory days but remember that she might also miss the person she used to be in those days. 

9. Be her ally through the ally(s). Being a new mom is hard work in every way you could imagine and in ways you couldn't: physically, emotionally, spiritually, personally, mentally, sexually, socially, and any other ally I haven't named. She probably doesn't feel very attractive, she has probably cried a few times already today, she will wonder if she is good enough to be a mom, she will never regain full capacity of her once very intelligent brain. She will need you to not judge these things. Not even a hint of judge. Shh. Zip. She will need you to back her up and talk her off the ledge not push her over. If breastfeeding isn't working, let her know that it's ok to not breastfeed. If the schedule you are trying is working as well as a square wheel, let her know you are fine with trying something new. Be on her team no matter what. NOW is not the time to split hairs or debate why your plan of attack might be better than hers. Now is the time to join forces.

10. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Dad, you 've been gone all day, of course you're happy to see baby. And guess what? Baby is happy to see you too because baby is seeing you after baby has had a full day of seeing nothing but mom's tired face.  So when you get home, you've missed baby and baby's missed you and you get to be FUN dad. But mom doesn't have that luxury. She's been home cleaning baby's butt, wiping baby's spit, putting baby to sleep, feeding baby endlessly - and when baby is older - telling baby no. We get to be the unsung hero while you get to sweep in and be Superman. Your kids won't fully realize how awesome mom is until they're older and understand that behind Superman is a SUPERWOMAN so understand that she has worked hard all day to have you come home and be awesome parent and that sucks sometimes. So be super nice to us and sometimes the bad guy to your kids. Not a lot, just enough to have them think mom is awesome too.

11. You are ready. You have spent much of your adult life trying to understand women and all roads lead to this moment. Pregnancy and motherhood are the absolute most bat shit crazy that you will ever see us. You have prepared for this moment you're whole life and the most important thing to remember through all of this is to LOVE YOUR LADY. Just be there. Hold on to each other and be strong together. Talk. Talk a lot. Talk about what you want together as a family but more importantly what you want together as a couple. Cook dinner because you know your wife has had just about enough of today. Offer to take care of Baby and allow her some alone time. We ladies are huge suckers for real men like that.

11b. Believe in the Power of Dad. Many dads that I know don't like to admit that they haven't the slightest idea of what they're doing when they become fathers. It comes from the same inherent gene as not wanting to ask for directions. But here's the secret New Dad... New Mom doesn't know either. And contrary to popular knowledge it doesn't necessarily come "naturally." Trust yourself. Maybe some of the things you do won't be "right" (like the first time Mike changed Rafa's diaper and it took him 5 minutes - do you know how long 5 minutes really is?? - to change it, only to come to the end and realize he had the diaper on backwards.) but they won't kill Baby (images of Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom come to mind). Baby is way stronger and smarter than we give them credit for. You're learning to care for another human being and with any relationship there is a learning curve. Always remember: If you could make your sleep deprived, non brushing teeth, hasn't left her house that day, bat shit crazy woman happy... babies are a piece of angel food cake.

Dear New Mom: Walk Strong

When I was first starting down this mom road I didn't feel confident that I had the right directions. I was always second guessing myself, checking in with Husband, asking the genius minds at Google for help. Was I lost?

Now that I'm the mother of two (does it ever sound unweird to say that? mother of two.) nothing has changed. I'm still a bit lost, I don't always know where I'm going, and I still ask the genius minds of Google for help. This comes with the territory of being a mom, I guess. You're never an expert because the road is always changing.

But no matter. The road is always changing and the course is sometimes bumpy and you may not always know what you're doing but here are some things I wish I could go back and tell my my pre-baby having, younger self.


Dear New Mom,

Keep it up.

You are doing just fine. You just don't think it right now because you're so busy trying to be the perfect mom, the mom you think you need to be that you haven't realized yet that that doesn't exist. Well it does but not in the way you think. See the perfect mom isn't just one kind of mom. The perfect mom is exactly who you are. Maybe you are a family bed kind of mom or a breast feeding mom or an organic food making mom or a working mom or a cry-it-out mom or a play date mom. Whatever type of mom you are is perfect because that's the kind of mom you are. One of my brilliant mom friends said it best when she said There are books about all kinds of parenting so find a book that writes about the kind of parent you want to be and forget the rest.

Baby doesn't care. Baby don't care what kind of mom you are - organic or Gerber giving. Reusable diaper trying or disposable diaper buying. Baby doesn't need you out of yoga pants and in Manolo's. Baby doesn't care what you look like when you're being mom. Overweight, underdressed, insane - no matter - Baby just wants milk, sleep, some huggings, and to pee out of any kind diaper so that when you are holding him you could say What is that warm... aww damn! Baby just poo-ed on me. Baby doesn't need anything else.

Listen to your Mother Skywalker Force. It's with you. Mothers just know things. You may not know what to do if Baby has a fever but that is Googleable and that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the things you just know. When I tried breastfeeding with Rafaella, I knew it wasn't working. But doctors and the fanatical Leche League women, and - yes - even well meaning family kept telling me that it was fine. Well, we were all wrong. They were wrong that it was working - it wasn't. And I was wrong for not listening to my Mother Skywalker Force - I should have. There are just things that a mother knows a friend's doctor said to her once. Believe that no one knows Baby better than the person who carried her for 9 months.

My last day of being pregnant with Santiago
Thursday, March 21, 2013

I chose to not breastfeed the second time around.

Own it. I had two pregnancies that were pretty easy as far as growing a human life in your body goes. And while I was ready to have both of my babies by the end of their pregnancy ("I just wanted to keep my baby in my belly for another 9 months," said no pregnant woman ever.) I really enjoyed being pregnant. I owned that shit and can't no one tell me I wasn't a hot prego. I mean they can but it would fall on deaf ears. Because I felt good and sexy and big and I owned it. I was proud of being a woman, of everything being a woman means and of everything being a woman means I could do.

 

Owning it

Beach belly

You need a break. This is a good one for you to know too New Dads. After carrying Baby around Australian Kangaroo full pouch style, Mama's gonna need a break - whatever that means. For some, this is a day at the spa. For others, a day by the pool. For me, this means wine and other assorted libations: wine on the rooftop, margaritas at the pool, sangria at dinner. But whatever the idea of a break is, one thing is VERY important... Dads. Dads you have to HAVE to HAVE TO make sure that Mom takes time for herself. She's had 9 months of sharing her body with a growing alien that has dictated everything from her sleep schedule to the food she eats to the clothes she wears. She needs time alone to return to herself but she won't do it unless she's supported by YOU. Mommy Guilt is a bitch and you have no idea, Dads, how strong it could be. It will hold her back from doing things even if she knows they are good for her, even if she knows she needs it. So if you miss your Baby Mama pre Baby Mama days, the woman she used to be, force her out the door once in a while. If need be kick her out and lock the door. She'll thank you for it later.

St. Patty's Day Break with friends

Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone knows being a mom is the hardest job on the planet, even if politicians don't support it financially. All moms, no matter how easy they make it look now, were at some point, new moms and had no clue what they were doing because babies, unlike blenders, don't come with manuals. You can't return babies at the customer service counter or lease them out for two years and get them back when they're running more smoothly. Babies are irrationally impossible sometimes and heartmeltingly incredible at others. Some might categorize this behavior as certifiably crazy, parents just know these are their kids. Children are crazy and crazy hard, but aren't most things worth having? So don't beat yourself up too much. Learn to laugh. And when you can't beat crazy, join crazy. Turn the music up (so you can't hear them) and dance or do like Glennon from Momastery and put a brown paper bag over your head to hide from the crazy. Either way... you're doing great!

 

Love your Baby Daddy. He is the only one on your team. It's you two against them. And when those babies grow up - because they will - and move out - because they do - and live their own lives - because they have to - the only one who will still be there is your partner - because that's how it is. Your partner is your first priority. And your kids will learn to love by the way you love each other.

 

It's ok to NOT Carpe Diem. When older women or moms of older kids see newborns or babies they have a tendency to tell you to Love this moment. Be in this moment. Because it all goes so fast. But when a newborn drenches you in spit up milk at 3 am or your kid is throwing a colossal tantrum over a raisin or your twins think playing human piñata with each other is fun, you may not want to seize that moment. Not every moment of being a mother is a Google Mother's Day commercial. Sometimes being a mom is dirty and exhausting and not in the slightest what you imagined it would be when you were younger and thought that you were going to be the hottest, bestest, coolest, funniest mom ever. You will seize so many moments as a mom that you don't need to feel bad if you don't want to seize everyone. (For a great Don't Carpe Diem read, read Glennon again at Huffington Post)

Definitely a moment to SEIZE

Bring on the toddlers. After Mike and I were the proud parents of two dogs for over a year we both realized one thing that's very important in us having a dog - we wanted DOGS not puppies. We thought Puppies are so cute but too much work. For us, grown rescue dogs that were a bit less energy and a lot more trained was the way to go. So it shouldn't have been a surprise to me that after Rafaella's first 3 months, I finally spilled my guilty guts and told Husband I just don't think I'm a newborn mom. I had felt so guilty about this for months that I questioned whether or not I was a good mom, whether or not I was cut out to be a mother. All because I wasn't good at one phase. Some moms are naturals with newborns. For me, they are squirmy little puppies that sleep a lot and slurp up milk and make a mess a bunch of times a day but they're sooo cute so you love them anyway. I love puppies but I'd rather have a dog. The point is, just because one phase of Mommahood isn't for you doesn't mean that all of Mommahood isn't for you. Another very smart mother I know very eloquently said Why the hell do you have to like everything? GENIUS! She's right. It's ok to not love every phase of this, we're human. Newborns, I've realized, are not my schtick. But damn! Do I love toddler Rafa. Teenage Rafaella... I'll get back to you on that.

My three grown non-newborns

Just wait. These are the echoing words of wisdom spoken by every veteran parent to newer parents at one time or another. Just wait til he starts walking... then he'll really hard. Just wait til she starts talking... then you'll really get an earful. Just wait til there's two... then she won't be so easy to deal with. She'll get jealous, just wait. Just wait til they are teenagers... you'll really be in for it then. They mean well, they mean to bond and remind you that we've all been there but NEW MOM, believe me when I tell you that the "just waits" aren't blanket statements. They don't cover all babies, all kids, all teenagers. They don't take into account that maybe you're a parent like Husband that enjoys running and jumping and sweating and so a mobile toddler is awesome. They don't take into account that I am as social a mariposa (butterfly) as they come and a writer to boot so a talking Rafaella is too exciting for words. Your experience and your choices and so your child will be different. Just wait... you'll see.

THis kids doesn't have a choice but to be active
as far as daddy is concerned.

You walk this way only once, my dear. I saw these words on a friend's daughter's prayer flag and those words climbed inside of me that night and made a home there. I wrote them down so I would never forget them, both for me and for Rafa at the time, and now for Santiago. And for you, new mom. You don't know what is ahead; what battles you will face, what victories you will celebrate, what companions will join you in your journey. But know that you will see many roads in only one journey.

Enjoy what you can. 

Don't belittle yourself. Believe in yourself. Don't compare yourself, do yourself that favor. You have gotten to where you are because you are amazing. And motherhood... it's just another road to walk down...

so walk strong.

What's On Tap This Month - MAY

Chinola Margaritas 

When I first arrived to Dominican Republic someone told me to try the chinola juice. I had never heard of it before but figured I better get used to trying new things if we were going to really give this abroad thing a shot. It turns out chinola is passion fruit and it is delicious! It also turns out that they make chinola everything here: juice, cheesecake, dressing. But the best chinola thing I've had here is a margarita. And since May celebrates the fun holiday of Cinco de Mayo I suggest you try one. A hangover never tasted so good. 

GIRLS

"Living the Dream. One mistake at a time." As if HBO hadn't already been behind some of the best shows created now they have brought me GIRLS. Although it premiered a year ago, I only recently discovered it via illegal secret internet ways. This show is comically honest and brutally beautiful as it is told through Hannah, an especially endearing character to me since she is an aspiring writer living in Brooklyn, NY. Their mistakes remind me of something reminiscent of my own Legra's Laws and then I realize it probably reminds us all of our navigation through a time when we are discovering the life we are trying to build being twenty-something, a jobless graduate, and a hormonal adult with too much freedom in the greatest city in the world. Its honesty makes it awkward and sometimes uncomfortable to watch. But the lives of girls living in NYC in their 20's is often funny and awkward and sometimes uncomfortable. Well done, Lena Durham. This is not one of those mistakes!

Screen shot of opening credits - wikipedia

Billabong Crossing Over Sandal

Living on a Caribbean island makes it super hard to want to wear anything on your feet besides flip flops and nail polish. This reasoning has done nothing good for the erosion of my collection of sandals and flip flops. In looking for a pair of sandals that are casual enough for the beach but nice enough to go out in I came across these and I know from past experience when I find something I like, buying it in every color just makes logical sense (They come in Bahama Mama, Multi, Pink Punch, Desert Brown, and Black - as shown below). And at $24 who could resist? Bahama Mama anyone?

 

           

Cinnamon Strudel Homemade Coffee Creamer

I wouldn't call myself a real coffee drinker. I don't order my coffee black or light and sweet. When I place coffee orders they always sound like something out of CandyLand (iced caramel macchiato extra caramel and a pump of delicious). But since having Santiago now gives us 2 babies, leaving the house to place these orders is as likely as finding a Starbucks in Dominican Republic (FYI: There are NO Starbucks in Dominican Republic.). So I had to find a way to treat myself to some delicious caffeine without leaving the house. Enter Pinterest, that fabulous bitch. I came across a recipe for a Homemade Pumpkin Spice Creamer that I pinned. A few months later when I went to the website I found that there were recipes for other delicious sounding Homemade Creamers like Chocolate Almond and Peppermint Mocha but Cinnamon Strudel has done it for me. It is a delicious way to start my very sleepy day. Bring on the middle of the night feedings, Santiago. I'm ready.

The Rumble: Santiago's Birthing Story

Let's get ready to rumbllllllllle

If the last few weeks before his delivery are a hint to his future nature, Santiago could be one of three things: stubborn, lazy, or downright chilled out and comfortable anywhere since his refusal to turn into GO TIME position meant that we would be delivering him via Cesarean the morning of March 22. I knew the date, the time, even what his zodiac sign for that specific date would be. He was already fighting me.

As a worrier, a trait handed down by generation on my mom's fault side, if given the time to think about things my mind will grandly create the worst that could happen. Combined with a dash of superstition, handed down by my father's side, I am a perfect candidate for hot mess worrying. I kept myself mildly calm by reminding myself that c-sections are wildly performed all the time and that there was nothing to worry about.

Ding, Ding, Ding

Round 1

We checked into the hospital Friday morning, same as with Rafaella. They took us to our room and pretty quickly wheelchaired me out to prepare for surgery. I believe my exact words were Already?? you're already here for me? Mike was off getting his scrubs on when they mentioned the word epidural. I was scared about the surgery but I was more terrified of the epidural. After all, I knew once those drugs were in I wouldn't feel a thing. I expected that we would wait for Mike to get started but the next thing I knew I tried wiggling my toes and nothing moved. (Its funny how you know you won't be able to move anything when you're under anesthesia but you still try.) Around this time, the anesthesiologist instructed that he would be giving me something that would lower my blood pressure and that I might feel nauseous. He was right...

I have to throw up. I told him.
I waited a moment.
I have to throw up. I said louder just in case he didn't hear me.

There aren't many feelings physically worse to me than feeling like you have to throw up. To get it over with, I'll usually stick my finger down my throat to get the process out of the way. But feeling like you have to throw up and not being able to move your lifeless, numb induced body... supremely WORSE. People tell you you might poop yourself in labor, I never really thought I could throw up on myself. He quickly injected me with something to counteract the nausea. Finally, Mike arrived.

Ding, Ding, Ding

Round 2.

I had been thinking that I was going to hear all the squishy noises associated with moving my insides around. I also didn't want to hear the doctors talking about my surgery or using words like stat or what's this, or oops so I had a playlist ready and the iPod handy and I asked Mike to put in one earphone. Yes. Just one earphone. You didn't think I could actually just tune out everything, did you?

I can't remember a play by play of the surgery. The order of how things happened is a little fuzzy. I remember concentrating on Mike. Reminder to self: Breathe. I remember asking him to show me the individually framed pictures of Jersey, Olive and Rafa (in birth order). Reminder to self: Keep calm. I remember feeling like I wanted to throw up again.

I have to throw up again I said out loud to no one specific. (What I would learn later from my doctor is that my blood pressure dropped again. This time it was not an injection the anesthesiologist had given me but because  getting Santiago out was taking longer than it was supposed to and I was losing a lot of blood causing my blood pressure to drop and the terrible nauseous feeling.)

I remember the anesthesiologist saying he was going to put in another IV. My normal state of mind normally moans and groans and slightly throws a tantrum at the thought of a needle but I was so focused on not being focused that I just turned my head back to Mike nonverbally saying to the anesthesiologist to do what he needed. Reminder to self: Keep breathing. Mike would later tell me that he had noticed the doctors become more alert of "the situation." And my doctor would inform me that she had asked the anesthesiologist to put in the second IV "just in case." I hate those words "just in case" - they always bring along with them a degree of worry and possibility and danger. Luckily, my one-eared iPod listening drowned out the words.

Ding, Ding, Ding

Round 3.

I remember Lynrd Skynard's Simple Man playing and feeling so lucky to be welcoming a son to complete our pareja (our "pair" which is what everyone here in Dominican Republic calls it when you have a daughter and a son). And then I remember One Republic's Good Life filling my ears and thinking how fitting it was that this song is playing since it had become a sort of theme song for Mike and I in our transition from single to married, from Americans to Abroadians, from being children to having them.

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work out
We all got our stories but please tell me
What there's to complain about? 

When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in 

Oh this has gotta be the good life...

And with these words dancing through my heart, like a video-mind montage, my son was born.

My son was born. 
I'm going to let those words dangle a bit.

My son was born.

I heard nothing for a moment. It was silent in the room.

Me: Is he out? No one answered.
Me: Mike! Is he out? I asked again
Mike: He's out... He's perfect.

A wave of relief, emotion, and epidural swallowed me whole. I cried.

Mike rhetorically asked me if I was crying knowing that at Rafaella's delivery I was cool, calm, and collected and he was a sobbing mess. I tend to cry in moments that aren't cry worthy to most people (like hearing Christmas music on the radio for the first time of the season at Marshall's Superstore - true story) but not cry in moments that most people would find cryable (birth of our first born). I can explain this. I don't not cry because I have zero emotion for the situation. Quite the opposite, I don't cry because I have too much emotion and I know that if I let it go, I might never be able to bring it back in. You can't just shut off this much emotion. Try taking the lid off a pressure cooker and then putting it back on and see what happens.

The knot in my throat didn't allow me to answer immediately and when I finally squeezed out my Yes response through pursed lips and wrinkled, teary eyes the single word response caused the tears to pour out more.

Mike: Are you crying because you're on medication?
Me: Probably.

A son is born 

Ding, Ding, Ding

Round 4.

My mom said that when they placed Santiago in the nursery he looked like a boxer swinging his arms to see if he could land a punch. I came to the conclusion that this was probably what he had been doing in my belly for 9 months.

Santiago's first few moments in the nursery

In the next few days I too encountered a few fights of my own. My doctor even joked that I had experienced most of the complications associated with Cesareans. Awesome I thought.

After the delivery of our healthy Santiago Paulo Kaufman Legra, our doctor informed us that getting him out took longer than planned. He was not facing the position they had thought and ended up having to be pulled out by his feet. Ahhh... that answers why the anesthesiologist was standing over me pressing his whole body against my belly. Anesthesia - what a wonder!

Because the extraction took so long, I lost a lot of blood. Having already gone into the delivery with my hemoglobin level at 10 (Anemia) and normal hemoglobin levels run between 12-18, I came out of the procedure with my level now at a 6. It was no surprise to them that every time they asked me how I felt, my only response was "Tired."

They watched my hemoglobin level for the night hoping that it would rise on its own by the next day, but when it didn't the doctor told me that I would have to use the donated blood - that Mike and I thought we would NEVER need - for a blood transfusion.

Since donating blood in the Dominican Republic isn't a large operation, our doctor had us find a donor "just in case" it was needed for both pregnancies. Our good friend Nigel, being my same blood type, donated blood for both Rafaella's delivery and Santiago's. He's our official "bloodfather" as  Ilike to call him. Some day, and that day may never come, he'll call upon us to do a service for him... It would be an offer I couldn't refuse.

Ding, Ding, Ding

Round 5.

By that evening, my hemoglobin level was hopefully on the rise but my head was aching. I'm used to debilitating migraines. This was slightly different. Silver lining: I was in the hospital and had access to pain medication. So when I finally fell asleep, I slept well. But my the next day, the headaches hadn't gone away. I endured a horrible headache all day even with pain medication being injected into my IV.

When my doctor came the next day she wasn't too surprised to see that my head still hurt. It seems like it happens when I stand up I told her. There's a lot of pressure.

She said that this was due to the anesthesia. Apparently, this can happen with a very small percentage of people after an epidural or spinal anesthesia. It's called a Post Dural Puncture Headache. Awesome I thought again. I love being a small percentage.

When the injection is given it can sometimes puncture a bag of fluid in your spinal cord. If too much fluid leaks out, the pressure in the rest of the fluid is reduced causing a migraine type headache. To fix it, I could either wait for it to get better (anywhere between 5 days to two weeks) or undergo an Epidural Blood Patch in which the anesthesiologist would take blood from my arm and inject it near the hole causing it to clot and plug the fluid.

I know what a real migraine is. I have migraines somewhat regularly. NEVER choose the migraine  type headache. Epidural Blood Patch it is.

Ding, Ding, Ding

Round 6.

After a quick Blood Patch procedure, I was ready to go home. Mike ran around getting everything we needed to be discharged from the hospital.

I had been cut open, pushed on, injected into, transfused, swollen, bathed by strangers, punctured, and plugged up in a few days time but when I saw Mike's face as he looked at the bill, I thought he was the one that was going to need a doctor.

Me: What is it?
Mike: Do you know how much Fernandez would have charged us for Santiago's circumcision?
Me: How much?
Mike: About $300.

Our doctor had given us a quote of that much to get Santiago circumcised. She told us that she could do it but had also told us that we could feel free to explore other options like one of the specialists our pediatricians used. Mike had spoken to a recommended specialist, Dr. Gomez about the procedure but unfortunately never thought to ask the price. After all, how much of a price difference could there be between Dr. Fernandez and Dr. Gomez? $100? $200?

Santiago's penis cost us $1200 in total, only $200 of which was for the hospital. I'll save you the trouble of doing the math... that's a $700 difference for a snip snip procedure. We paid more for the circumcision than we paid for the rest of the hospital stay.

It's the golden gloves of penises.

Ding, Ding, Ding

Winner!

At the end of the day, we came home with a healthy, good-natured, sleepy baby boy. I had taken a few hits and endured some punches and Mike was still dizzy from the KO administered by Dr. Gomez but we were going home after 6 rounds. 

And our little boxer was coming with us.

We win.