Monday, March 3, 2014

My Total Truths: #6 - You're Not Better... You Just Think You Are

Each one of us has inside of us our own truth. My Total Truths is a series based on MY truths; a list of things that I know to be true. What are your total truths?

# 6 - You're Not Better... You Just Think You Are

One upping.
Listen up, people who one-up: stop it! It's annoying. There are plenty of people out there that suck. Just read People I Want to Punch in the Throat for an extensive, detailed list of people that suck. But the one-uppers have a specific stank because in their pinnacle moments of one-upness their sole purpose is to make themselves seem better than you. Boooo!

When did we get to a place in the human species where everything is an Olympic competition? Where there has to be a number one? Where "anything you could do I could do better?"

Why, oh why, on God's green earth do one-uppers find it necessary to one-up? Every. Single. Time. Let me be clear. One-upping is not disagreeing. Disagreeing is different. Disagreement is a difference of opinion on matters that MATTER and they are said as a difference of oopinion. We disagree on politics or religion by having a discussion. One-upping is usually over nothing important that follows with some deragatory I'm better than you back-handed comment. One-upping at its core is the act of making it sound like what you like or do or care about is somehow a bazillion times better than what I like or do or care about.

Some examples:

I tell you about a great beach I visited.
You respond, "Yeah. If you like that kind of thing. But if you want to go to a really nice place you should try..."

Ummm...I think I just got smacked by the back of your hand. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand...  what kind of thing do I like if it's not really nice


I tell you about a great, new coffee joint. 
You respond snob style and giggly like you're telling a joke, "Yeah I tried that place but I guess I'm just so spoiled by my coffee place that anywhere else's coffee just tastes like dirt." Followed by a hand flip and snooty giggle.

Here's an idea.. why not eat dirt and then tell me if that's really what you think... I mean seriously? Did I say it was the best coffee place ever had or did I just say I enjoyed it?


I tell you about a delicious hamburger joint. You decide to try it. 
Your response (without me asking BTW), "It was good... but I've had better."

Roll eyes, gag, vomit.  If it was really good, why do you need to add the I've had better. Did I say that eating that burger was life changing? Oh, right, because you're trying to be better than me. I see taht now.  

One upping is so silly because it doesn't actually make you better, you just think it does. You get off on announcing that you're classier, smarter, or have better taste than others, when in fact, it just makes you look petty and silly; like a silly, sad jackass-in-the-box bobbing up and down looking for attention.


  1. OMG- I love the jackass in a box! I'm going to start using that :) I totally hear you on this- I despise people who act like that. The worst people for one-upping (unfortunately) are mothers. Dear, dear Lord! Can't we all just agree that being a mom is hard enough without competing for who can breastfeed the longest... or at all... what stroller you got, how much baby food you make, etc?

    1. Oh Kelli, my Kelli - you speak the truth! Mothers are some of the worst jackasses in a box, luckily those toys were made to stuff that little asshole back in its box and put it away on the toy shelf never to be opened again. I learned a long time ago that these kinds of mothers have no place in my life. Glad you enjoyed it.


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