We're Moving...

My favorite part of the journey is the people I meet along the way. Though we all have to go in our own direction I would hate to lose some of you just because I changed directions. I am moving my site over HERE so please follow along there or click the image below to continue drinking every last drop of this bottle.

Birthday Thoughts

This week's special at DTWB: Birthday Thoughts

Eating My Way Through Cabarete

In honor of one of our readers who just recently moved to Dominican Republic, specifically to the awesome town of Cabarete, I thought I'd publish this piece today. Congratulations on the move... I think you'll love it there!

My favorite thing about vacation (and island living) besides umbrella drinks is eating. I love the possibility of new restaurants and that feeling I get when I open a new menu and find something delicious to rave about. Even better is when I get to go back and eat my favorite plates over and over... and over and over again.

While Cabarete is best known as one of the Top 10 Kiteboarding cities in the world, it should also be on the map for some of the yummiest eateries on the island. So if you're ever visiting Cab, check out these local spots:

Am I With the Right Person?

"In Yiddish, there's a word for it: bashert. The meaning is something like "intended": the person who was meant for you. We're not talking about a soul mate, though modern usage often spins it that way; the original meaning is more complicated. Your basherter won't always make you happy, and your life together won't always be easy. But there's a sense of rightness, of having landed where you're supposed to be."

- Julie Orringer

Author of The Invisible Bridge

I have these dreams sometimes where Husband and I get into a ridiculous sort of fight, so ridiculous that in the dream I forget what we're fighting about. But in the dream, this ridiculous disagreement becomes so serious that we avoid each other. Soon our relationship falls apart. In my dream state, I know it's wrong- it feels abysmally wrong. Even in DreamLand it feels like a knife to the heart. I cry and tell him that  this is stupid, that we shouldn't give up and he acts indifferent. He shrugs his shoulders. He doesn't care. (Take out knife and stab heart again. Worst. Dream. Ever.)

10 Steps: How to Take the Worst Holiday Picture with Santa

A picture with Santa is one of those "must do" items on the Christmas check off list along with baking cookies and decorating the tree. For me, it is doubley exciting since my kiddos and my sister's kiddos take the picture together: 4 cousins, 2 laps, and a Santa in a pear tree. 

But take heed: the magical idea one creates in their mind of reliving their childhood Santa pictures through their own children is by no means easy. Last year, I came home early and without Husband to NJ with both kids (both barely under 2) and getting two kids dressed in Christmas attire, coats-scarves-hats-gloves on, in the car, out of the car, in the stroller, to the mall, on line, and on Santa's lap was it's own version of hell; a hell that should be accurately captured by the end product. 

What a crock it would be if after running behind kids in a crowded mall and knocking into people and waiting on line with tantrum-bellowing kids, they got to Santa's lap and smiled gloriously. That wouldn't truly reflect the spirit of Christmas pictures at the mall. By the time you reach Santa's chair, you should hope for a serious-faced kid staring blankly at the camera - or if you're lucky, like us two years ago, we hit pure gold with the trifecta of holiday picture taking. 

So if you too want the world's best worst holiday picture with Santa, follow some of these steps.

A Skeptic's Guide to Elf on a Shelf

When I first started seeing this Elf on a Shelf craze unfolding, I admit, I was skeptical. It seemed like something that would totally be up my alley but I thought it was a bit strange. When it began taking over my Pinterest account, I was a bit annoyed. 

And then I read the Elf on a Shelf / Dinovember dad post and the explanation: "how in this world of technology and non mystery this is a little bit of mystery that you can give your kids." That began my change of heart with the Elf. Then I read about the Kindness Elves and I was sold.

Now I get it. And once you get it, the world becomes impossibly huge 

... because there are soooo many possibilities. 

But first... the elf needs an identity 

I found THESE, a great (and super adorable) alternative to the typical Elf on the Shelf and if I'm gonna get Husband behind this, the elf has to look much more traditional and waaaay less commercial.

We also can't call the elf - "Elf"; Elf will need a name. Since our kids, at the moment, speak more Spanish than English, I could go with a Spanish name like Don Miguel or Señor Gigante (irony). Or maybe I could use one of the baby names we liked but didn't get to use like Penny. But let's be real, we're a family from Jersey, so this elf will be named Bruce or Tony Soprano. Let's go classy NJ style... Frank Sinatra.

So to get you (possibly a skeptic) started, I searched Pinterest and Google and Facebook and blogs and every other social media you could imagine for far too many hours and I have narrowed down my favorite ideas. And with 13 days left til the big day, here's a great place to start (or end). It's never too late to believe...

The Introduction

Since Frank Sinatra is going to be part of the family, he will need a proper introduction. I love the thought and detail behind creating a whole Facebook page for him.

SOURCE

Deaf Ears: Do You Care What People Think?

"...If I answer, 'No, I don't care what people think,' I risk seeming arrogant. But if I answer, 'Yes, I care too much about what people think,' I risk seeming spineless."

- Elissa Schappell 

(author of Blueprints for Building Better Girls)

In truth, I've never been one for caring much of what others thought of me. In middle school and high school this served me well since peer pressure was a monster that scared others far more than it did me; when I felt pushed to try things that I was uncomfortable with, I wasn't fearful of saying no - I wasn't concerned with what others would say. But saying that I didn't care - or don't care - what people think at all wouldn't be true either. To some degree, of course I care. Sometimes we should care. The trick is finding the balance. 

This morning, after speaking to a friend who, at some point in her life, was in the same "trailing spouse" position as me (What a silly word for what we do. Trailing? How about courageously free.) I remembered how unsure I felt when I got here with my intention to focus on my writing career. I was excited to start down this writer's road that up until now I had only dreamt about. I was anxious as to whether or not I'd be any good. I was nervous I would fail. And while some people were very supportive, the naysayers, for some reason, are always far louder. 

Do you get paid?

You've gotta make money, babe. (Don't get me started on the "babe" part.)

It must be nice to not have to get up in the morning (because sleeping in was part of my daily agenda of taking care of kids and writing).

and my favorite...

2nd Installment: Holiday Shopping Made Easy so You Have More Time for Wine

The Berrrrs are Back...

Last week, The Berrrrs and I shared the first installment of the 2014 Holiday Shopping Made Easy so You Have More Time for Wine Guide and as promised here is the second installment. To keep the intro short I'll answer some rapid fire questions.

What is this?  A butt load of gift ideas to help with your holiday shopping 
What could I expect to find here - I hate finding gift guides that have really expensive gifts?  You'll find gift ideas of all prices with links, ideas, pictures, and promo codes... the whoooole hook up. 

Why would I check this out?  With more than enough time to make or order, ship and wrap your gift you can avoid the holiday stress that comes with parking at the mall, waiting on long lines, and shopping with human Grinches.
Anything else I need to know?  The gift guide is organized into categories with a present suggestion for everyone in the fam and I've starred* the items that are my absolute faves. 
In this installment you'll find: Fabulous DIY gift ideas that are beyond easy and inexpensive Gift ideas for the out-of-the-box Berrrr Gifts for Berrrrs who hate gifts but LOVE experiences
Don't forget to check out the first installment. 
So now grab a glass bottle of wine, and relax (since you no longer have to stress about what to buy), get your credit card ready, and browse through these fabulous gifts ideas. * * *

For the DIY Berrrr:

For Toddler Berrrr: DIY Games

Famous Landmarks

While the original concept I found on this blog for early education was famous landmarks, just think of all of the options you have when you open up this DIY project to famous works of art and maps and people. Check out the easy tutorial here.

Memory Game

DIY Memory Game from Burlap and Blue

I recycled  this game from last year because, well, it's adorable and multi-useful: promotes memorization, entertains, and gives you another place to display pictures. What a great way to keep your kids thinking about grandpa than to have your child find the matching piece. Check out the DIY tutorial at Burlap & Blue.

Go Fish*

This Personalized Go Fish is also really adorable and cheap to make. Although this blog used Photoshop and the result was phenomenal, those of you intimidated by Photoshop, can use PicMonkey.

Here's how:
- First, choose the family photos you will be using and edit them in Picmonkey; editing or cropping them as you'd like and save it to your desktop.
- Next, using the "design" option on the PicMonkey home screen, select the size you'd like your project to be (4x6 is a good start. For the cards below I resized the pixels to 300x450).
- Then, choose the canvas/background color.
- After, in the overlay section on the right sidebar, choose "your own" and upload the first picture; resizing it however big you'd like your picture to appear.
- Finally, add text or any other design features you'd like to use for the personalized names.

Here's how mine turned out without much fuss. Imagine with a bit more time how memorable a gift this would be:

The last thing I'd have to do is print them out on thicker paper and laminate. Voíla! DIY Go Fish Game.

Source: Imperfect Homemaking

For Mommy Berrrr: DIY Finishing Touches

Mason Jar Freshener

Pinterest is a tremendous source in all DIY ideas which is where I found this good (and simple) idea. In this project, all you need is a mason (canning) jar, a hammer and nails.

Directions:
1. Poke holes in the lid with a nail and hammer (you could make a design or keep it simple)
2. Fill the jar 1/4 full of baking soda and 6-8 of essential oil.
3. Done. That's it. So simple right???

You could gift just one or make a few as a gift set of different aromas! View the full tutorial here!

DIY Beautifully Creative Plate and Mug Sharpie ideas*

This has endless options for any special occasion: make a cookie plate for Santa or write your favorite quote about friendship for your bestie or let your kids' masterpiece be a gift for the grandparents or create a set of plates for your college grad who is moving to a new apartment. There are just so many ways and so many decorative ideas you could use that to give you just one would be unfair so instead check out this Plate & Sharpies link, find the one you like best (or create your own obvi) and create away.

Here are the steps:
Buy a plate from the dollar store
Create design with a sharpie
Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.
Done. (*Use rubbing alcohol to fix any Sharpie mistakes.)

Check out this Sharpie decorated plate by Shabby Art Boutique to get you excited:

For Daddy Berrrr: 

Loooooove Soundtrack*

This is part DIY / part experience / part stolen idea. Husband and I watched Begin Again about a month ago. In the movie, Mark Ruffalo describes his first date with his ex-wife in which they used a headphone splitter cable to plug two headphones into one audio player and then spent the evening just walking around listening to music. This got me thinking... What if I made Husband a playlist (and maybe he made me one in return)? What a lovely homemade gift that would be on its own but introduce the splitter cable and a few hours of walking around any city together and you've got yourself a romantical gift idea.

* * * 

For the Out-of-the-Box Berrrr:

For Kiddo Berrrr: Mae Chevrette Art:* 

I recycled this gift from last year because I truly love her work. Maybe it's the wanderlust in her art or the beautiful quotes she uses about adventure and travel but I'm enchanted every time I look at one of these pieces. Here are links to some of my favorites: She is Fierce, Every Dreamer Know, To Be Brave, Field Trips

For Mommy Berrrr: Special Jewelry*

I can't begin to tell you how ridiculously cute I find this darn necklace. Months ago I pinned it (see? it's on my Pinterest accessory page) specifically so that I could include it on my holiday gift guide post and, well, here it is. What a clever way to wear your wedding date (or other important date) around your neck. Check out the Roman Numerals necklace at MyBelovedCo on Etsy.

For Daddy Berrrr: Coffee Mug 2.0

There are times when Husband wants coffee but doesn't want to brew a whole pot for just one. While Keurig was a game changer, it is on the pricier end and for people who live abroad, it isn't always the easier option. Enter this minibru coffee press mug. Brew a single cup with this French press coffee mug by adding coffee grounds and hot water. 

* * *

For the Berrrr that Loves Experiences:

For Kiddos Berrrr: Language Lessons

Research shows that kids pick up languages at an early age and that being bilingual is quickly becoming the norm and not the margin. This interactive and comprehensive program is designed to help children 0-6 learn a foreign language. Choose from 1 of 11 languages and your kids will be entertained while inspired to learn a foreign language through videos, books, flash cards, and CDs. Check out the Little Pim website for more information or buy this deal on Travelzoo for 50% off (prices starting at $15). 

For Mommy Berrrr: Wine!!!*

What? Wine is an experience. Especially when it comes delivered to your door. This deal from Heartwood and Oak Wine Merchants via Travelzoo is glorious. For $39 (a major deal from the normally marked price of $160) a half case of wine will be delivered right to mama's door! Or choose the $79 deal and get 12 bottles. Boom! Best of all, it's a Nationwide deal. Check out what selections of wine mama could be sipping on HERE. Hurry up.

For Daddy Berrrr: Tours*

But not just any tours... 

Food Tours

It's no secret that Husband isn't a fan of stuff. He likes experiences over sweaters. And I like giving them to him because guess what... I get to enjoy them too. A great tour I could guarantee is the Greenwich Village Food Tour through Foods of NY. Also combining the history of Greenwich Village with delicious flavors, this is a foodie's dream. With stops at some of Greenwich Village's most well-known establishments like Joe's Pizza, Murray's Cheese Shop, and Rocco's Pasticceria, you'll quickly see why New York is one of the food capitals of the world. Use these promo codes for savings (valid for gift certificates only):

Use THANKSGIVING through tomorrow for 15% off. 
Use BLACKFRIDAY Friday, November 28 - Monday, December 1 for 10% off.
Use CYBERMONDAY December 1-4 for 10% off.

I also just found this amazing food tour deal from Great Food Tours for a steal! Choose from one of their four tours in NYC for 50% off or check out their food tours offered in other cities.

Drunk History Tour

It's no secret that I am a fan of libations so imagine my utter joy when I discovered this tour. Complete with historical re-enactments, trivia, improv comedy, and, of course, booze, the Drunk History Tour through NYC Tours, is the perfect combination of fun and drinks and a great date for Husband and I, combining Husband's love of history and my love for, well...

Use the promo code NYC2FOR1 and get two tickets for the price of one thanks to the lovely people at NYC Tours!


Happy Thanksgiving and happy shopping!

Holiday Shopping Made Easy So You'll Have More Time for Wine - What's on Tap: November 2014

The Berrrrs are Back...

Last year the Berrrr's and I brought you a butt load of gift ideas to help with your holiday shopping and we're back again this year to do the same. Below you'll find gift ideas of all prices and with more than enough time to make or order, ship and wrap your gift you can avoid the holiday stress that comes with parking at the mall, waiting on long lines, and shopping with human Grinches. I warn you... This is BIG(so big I had to post it in two sections)! Links, ideas, pictures, promo codes the whoooole hook up. The gift guide is organized into categories with a present suggestion for everyone in the fam and I've starred* the items that are my absolute faves. So grab a glass bottle of wine, and relax (since you no longer have to stress about what to buy), get your credit card ready, and browse through these fabulous gifts ideas. 
In this installment you'll find:  Tech gifts for all ages Gifts for the shoe afficianado Foodie gifts that will have your cup running-eth over

But Why? Why Asking Ourselves Questions is Important.

"Have we established that questions are marvelous, momentous things?... That asking ourselves the right ones can have life-altering effects?"

It had been 9 months since we had broken up; a break up that took a long time to move forward from. And then he was back. He missed me. He wanted to try again. I wanted to try again. So we were going to try again but it didn't take long to figure out that he wanted to try again in the way that suited him best. He wasn't doing it to be a jerk, he really wasn't', he just has his own life to think about. He was busy taking over his father's business and we were still young, in our mid-twenties. He wanted something more relaxed and I wanted something else. I asked myself, Am I settling for something less, just to stay with him again? I knew the answer.

I broke it off a few weeks later.

Years later, when Husband (then Boyfriend) and I had been together for 4 years and had just finished answering many questions that were floating heavily around our relationship, another question arose to trump all of the other questions: If we were, indeed, having a baby, would we still move abroad? We weren't sure of the answer but sometimes all you need to start the conversation is the question.

Notes from a Local Scene: At the MercaSantoDomingo

As a mother I'm all about routine but as an individual, I'll be the first to admit that after a while, the same thing gets tired and boring. If you ate peanut butter and jelly every day, you'd get tired of it, right? If you drank wine every day - whoops - no, not that one - that one doesn't work there. Change is the seasoning of life; it shakes up the norm and stirs the pot and - even in the smallest ways - is a big part of the adventure and wonder of it all.

Olympics of Gobble Proportions: Fiesta Forever

(As published on Women Who Live on Rocks.) 

As do other rock expat dwellers we have to pick and choose the holidays we go home for; we can't have 'em all. Christmas is mine. I won't miss being home for it; maybe someday when we live further away I might have to but not while we're on a rock where a 4-hour flight is the only thing standing between me and my chilly home for the holidays. Unfortunately, this means that many other holidays are off the proverbial table, like Thanksgiving for example. 

We knew our first year, Thanksgiving away from home would be hard. We had just had our first baby and up until that year we had never missed a Thanksgiving with my family or Husband's family. I vividly remembering stifling a cry in the bathroom when I got off the phone with my mom that morning. "We all miss you here," she said, "This is the first Thanksgiving in 30 years I'll spend without you." Knife. Turn. Ouch. I knew she didn't mean it to upset me; my mom would never try to deliberately make me feel bad but she was missing me and I was certainly missing her. And in the core of it, I knew that this was part of our life abroad equation that I wasn't sure I could handle yet.

In reality (knife in heart excluded), it wasn't too hard in the end to enjoy Thanksgiving abroad, thanks to some strategic planning.

See, most of our island friends also choose to stay on the rock for Turkey Day; so we throw a big family dinner together. We make Turkey. Everyone brings a side dish or dessert. We feast. Our kids play together. We've organized flag football games and volleyball games. We drink wine.

Oh, and did I mention we all take our long weekend break at this place: 

A Cautionary Tale about Duct Tape Bras

We've all had moments in our life where we have to make a choice, a fork in the road. Do I choose to stay or do I choose to go? Do I say yes or do I say no? This is one of those moments...though to be fair, my fork in the road decision was not life or death (or any serious consequence for that matter) but rather about a DIY bra, so there's that. 

A night of dancing was proving fatal for a pasty-type bra that I bought so the way I saw it, I had two options: ONE - go home and be a quitter or TWO - make a bra entirely out of duct tape and keep dancing. 

Let's just say I wouldn't be writing this story if I was a quitter.

This is the true story of a duct tape bra.

Read more at Women Who Live on Rocks

What's On Tap This Month - October

Mila

This is the first restaurant that I've included in my Tap and for good reason. Mila is a new restaurant in Santo Domingo started by two of the owners of Guli's, my favorite coffee shop in the world. No exaggeration. Bible. In. The. World. So when Guli's owners told me they were moving shop AND opening a restaurant as well I was excited. And when they told me they were moving even closer to where I lived, the heavens opened and angels sang. Pure elation.
I'm not a food critic or food connoisseur by any means but I know good food and I love eating out. And not to peacock but when New York City is your go-to restaurant city, your foodie expectations are high. Some restaurants have spectacular meals. Some have great happy hours. Some have great service. Some restaurants have original menus. Some have friendly staff. Some have good prices. Some have spectacular ambience. Essentially, like in all cities, some rank higher than others. But not many have it all. Mila has it all. 

And I can't say I'm surprised.

Things I Could Teach My Son but That He'd Be Better Off Learning from His Dad

Moms struggle with their full mommy plates. We struggle with how much we do (getting kids dressed, combed, fed, clean-toothed, packing lunches, putting shoes on the correct foot - ours and our kids', telling the kids to not bite each other, and going to work) and then take on even more (taking on projects, buying presents for birthday parties, making doctor appointments, rescheduling doctor appointments, cleaning up, making dinner, working out, finding time to have a glass of wine and chat with our husbands... and friends... and mothers.) And those are just the physical responsibilities of a day without including the emotional are we doing it right, are we doing it well, are we doing it without causing too much permanent damage to our kids.

And then there are the posts telling me what else I should be doing, the lists: 46 Things Moms Should Be Awesome At, 38 Things Cool Moms Do, 18 Things A Mom Should Do to Avoid Being the Absolute Worst Parent Ever. I try to give these posts an honest try, after all, I like a good list, but instead I find myself wanting to shove these lists down someone's throat because I don't want to hear about the things I'm not doing but should be doing. I'm exhausted, remember?

The Legacy I Want to Leave Behind

I'm fortunate to have both a daughter and a son. What this also means is that I also get to battle all kinds of dumb messages about gender roles and crappy societal ideas. The messages my son will grow up hearing one day to "be a man" or "act like a man" sicken me and I'll save that for next week's post. Today I want to talk about my daughter and the garbage that all of our girls are forced to stomach everyday starting at an age when they can't decipher what is truth and what is complete shit. This isn't a scare tactic or some made up ghost story, like all of those years people wasted, pretending Global Warming wasn't a real threat. This, like Global Warming, exists, and it's dangerous. So, whether you have a daughter or not is besides the point. This is important for all of us to know, so listen.

We are in jeopardy of creating a world full of girls that believe their only worth comes from pretty faces and skinny waists found somewhere in between glossy pages and the perfect selfies. 

Catch up on the Last Few Weeks

Since I write for and contribute to other fabulous websites like Women Who live on Rocks and Expat Village, I don't always publish my newest posts here. Bu that doesn't mean you should have to miss out. 

Don't forget to check out some of them on these other great websites from the last few weeks:

Enjoy!

Perfect Timing: A Memory

"What? Why didn't you wake me?!" He shouted in a calm panic.

"I didn't want to bother you if I wasn't sure."

"Doctor Fernandez said if it lasts more than an hour, it's probably time. How long have you been having them?"

"About two hours."

The contractions had started at 4:27 exactly. I know because I typed it down on our iPod (because it was my first pregnancy so I was anal like that). But I had no idea what contractions would feel like so I waited and noted: 

4:34.

4:43. 

4:52. 

5:05. 

At visits, my doctor would ask me if I had been having any contractions and I would shrug my shoulders, "Maybe?"

I'm sure I drove her nuts, "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know. Whaddo they feel like?"

"You would know," she'd assure.

"Thennn... no?" I'd say completely unsure.

What if They Fly?

Half way there I stopped dead in my tracks, "Maybe this isn't a good idea."
"We don't have to do it." Husband answered swiftly because he, too, was unsure about the decision we were making.
"I just feel like maybe we're rushing this."
"We could still turn around." 

I'm writing about this in real-time, as in, this just happened real-time so the wound is fresh. I'm still sobbing over our decision. As a very normal person, you'd think I was crazy. But I'm not a normal person. I've always bordered on the side of crazy and have pretty much eclipsed the moon of emotion and 3 years ago, almost to the day, I took a giant leap further into both abysses. That was the day I became a parent and would forever live in crazy and emotional.

Today was the first day I dropped that child off at school.
I didn't handle it well.

Don't let the smiles fool you; it was a hard day for both of us.

Road to an Imperfect Life: Week 14 - For Whom the Belly Tolls #itsarevolutionbitches

Like all mothers, I dreamed of being brave, selfless, loving, and hot. Yes, you heard me. Hot. What?! I'm just being honest. Of course, hot wasn't the first thing on my list, but it was definitely on the short list.

Pinterest was super helpful for me in the beginning with its suggestions of cute outfits, life hacks, and exercise ideas, but unfortunately, Pinterest won't actually deliver any of these things to my life or closet. It'll recommend some interesting workouts or belly busting moves but won't actually do the working out for me so... damn it.