Dear Trick-or-Treat Candy Bucket Thief-Tradition Taker

Dear Trick-or-Treat Candy Bucket Thief-Tradition Taker, This letter is for you. So that one day, if you are ever perusing around on the internet and happen to find this post, you never forget that you stole something from me, asshole.
You stole this...our bucket. But it wasn't just the bucket you stole. It was more than a bucket. 
I am an American living in the Dominican Republic. I tell you this so that you may understand the impact of your supreme lapse of judgement, the degree of your dishonor. So that you may understand what I am about to tell you.

When we moved to the Dominican Republic, I knew I would be giving up some very important things: being near our families, a real home, a childhood for our kids like the one we grew up with. We weighed the positives with the negatives. I knew our kids would have a totally different childhood experience than the one both Husband and I had, but some things would be the same. They'd have to be. I'd see to it. 

Some traditions would remain. 

And other traditions would be created. Traditions that Husband and I would start that would continue throughtout the years no matter where in the world we lived. Traditions that are just ours. Traditions that our children would assume are what every family does because that's all they know. Because that's all they've ever done. 

Those traditions are sacred. 

...So here we are in a different country, accepting the loss of our own childhood traditions and trying to create new ones out of necessity. Do you know how hard that is? Do you know how hard it was to even find a pumpkin to carve before this year?

Yet here we were, a new family; parents trying to raise two kids abroad in an ever-changing life, with family traditions that haven't been created yet. 
...but we had one.  The BUCKET.
Rafaella was born on October 7, 2011. She wasn't even a month old when we took her picture in the bucket. She definitely couldn't trick-or-treat... but we bought that bucket anyway. That first year we had to cushion the bottom of it because she was so small that she didn't even fill it to the brim. And it was our first Halloween, our first holiday, as parents. It was her very first holiday of ever. It was a tradition being created and we didn't even know it yet. The best kind of tradition. The one you don't see coming until it just is. 
The following year, we thought, Wouldn't it be funny to put Rafa in the bucket again and see how big she's gotten. It was funny. But it was also magical to see how much our little girl had grown. That same bucket that only a year before was too big for her to sit up in, this year was to small for her to fit in. And to add to an already magical moment, the day we stood her in that bucket for her 2nd Halloween picture was the same day we found out that our second baby would be a boy. We'd have another child to stuff in the bucket.
This year, as we were leaving for the Halloween Frolic, we made it down a flight of stairs with two babies, mouse ears, and a heavy double stroller before I remembered that bucket. Husband dropped the stroller and ran back up to retrieve it because not only would we need another picture of Rafa standing in the bucket, not only would we be continuing this tradition with Santiago too, but it would also be the first Halloween that Rafa would be trick-or-treating and using the bucket. And if you knew our daughter, you'd know that's big... HUGE... Momentous. 
At least we got our pictures. 
But instead of Rafaella walking around with her bucket that we had bought her before she could even understand what the hell that damn bucket was for... you swiped it, Swipey. So instead she trick-or-treated with a plastic bag from La Cadena.

Let's me be very clear. You will probably never read this. But I know who you are and so do you. I asked you if you found that bucket as you tapped out the french fried crumbs that my 2 year old daughter had just finished eating - the bucket that her toddler hands set down and that her toddler body walked away from because that's what toddlers do - and you, a grown man, lied. And I know you lied. You lied straight to my tradition-heart-broken-face when I asked you. And then you took the bucket and washed it out. Liar.

 So when you read this one day, and I hope you do, know that though you have probably forgotten about that bucket, I haven't. I never will. That bucket that to you was just a plastic handle with pumpkins painted on tin was our first family tradition. So that's what you stole. Because you thought it was cute. Because you thought it was free. But it came in the cost of a very broken hearted mother. Happy Halloween, asshole. I hope you choke on it.
Sincerely, 

Me. The Mouse.

Tips for Parenting Two Children Under Two (without going insane-asylum-bonkers!)

In the last few weeks of my second pregnancy I remember thinking one constant thought. When this kid comes out, I'm going to have two kids under the age of 2 running around on this earth. And that thought immediately wall slammed me to this thought: I wonder if there's a way to keep this second one in my belly a bit longer... at least until he's on solids.
Unfortunately, our ob-gyn said this was not "advisable."  So, when he came out a week shy of forty, Husband and I hit the ground running with our pre-planned ideas of how to parent two children under two while trying to not go Cuckoo Clock bonkers in the process. 
Take Moments Where You Can Being myself a second child, my first focus was on how I did not want our son, the second child, to fall ill with the Marsha, Marsha, Marshas. I thought about ways that I would spend quality time with him, ways that I would give him the same attention I gave our daughter. When he came, I realized that I was crazy to think that this would be possible because some of this just isn't Godly possible no matter how much I wanted it to be. So I had to rethink my way of thinking...
Read more at Cropped Stories

Fighting the Good Fight: Part One: The Cause

Part One: The Cause
It's been boiling and gurgling inside of me for some time now like a seedy little demon gremlin that's been trying to rip through my belly like something out of Sigourney Weaver's nightmares. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was... I'm still not sure I know entirely what it is. It's not indigestion, I know that much. Indigestion goes away. This feeling has been ebbing and flowing like a tide, some days higher than others. 
It feels a bit like a breakdown. Like I'm trying to keep it together, keep the pace, keep my head above water, and keep up the juggle, the struggle and everything in between. And because I am a person that battles head on, I fight hard. There's no quit button in this soul. That also means that after a fight, I'm beat down and tired out.
To make a bit more sense, I should start with some way, way back background knowledge.
I've been here before. Years ago in my 20's I waged a small war between who I was and who I could be. Fresh off a heartbreaking breakup, I weighed whether I could change to fit a mold that someone else wanted me to fit. I couldn't fit that mold. Who I was won out over who I could be. The right Who won. But this time feels different. This adversary feels like it's planning on staying around longer, fighting harder. Fighting dirtier. 
See this time, the fight isn't clear cut. Neither is the winner. Neither is my opponent. He's multiplied and I'm spread thin. 
Now in my 30's I'm in a totally different place. Actually, totally different places. Plural. Mom. Wife. Writer. Older. Non-employed. Expat. Best friendless. These are foreign places for me. Unchartered territory. This time around I have people that depend on me. I don't have time to soak my wild oats and figure out who I am becoming. I'm responsible for others. This time, when I saw the battle approaching my doorstep, I knew it would be a bigger opponent than last time, but now, unlike in my 20's, I'd have far more to lose. Far more people to let down. That thought in itself could be suffocating.
So these tidal waves of doubt pound at my door and they can't be stopped right now. Not all at once. There are too many to fight at once. 
I'll be honest. This isn't going to be an easy fight. I'm used to being certain, to not doubting myself, to knowing what I want and what comes next, to getting organized and being ready. This will not be an easy fight for me to win
...but it can be won.
My strength: I'm here with my no quit button. And thanks to my mother, I won't stand around and wonder if things will get better. I move. 
My first step was to seek out the advice of others and I found it in the form of books. The first is an art journal e-course offered by the General of Get Going herself, Oprah. Run by Brené Brown, author of The Gifts of Imperfection, this is a 6 week course to help you be vulnerable and open to courage, compassion, and connection by journaling (a word I love). 
Maybe if I could let go of perfection I can let go of some doubt too. In our first week we were asked to write this simple message on our hand, take a picture, and tape it into our art journal to remind ourselves, when we needed reminding, that we are not perfect, we are IMperfect and that's enough. 

I'm imperfect and I'm enough

I asked Husband to come along for the ride and being the supportive, fabulous and up for my crazy ideas man he is, Husband agreed. In the midst of taking our "imperfect" pictures, our daughter called us. 

"Mami, papi... *Ma-Pi. Photo." (*her combined name for us)

I looked over to take her photo and there she was, hand raised in united Imperfection. In a simple, innocent, child gesture I remembered why it is so important for me to accept myself and be vulnerable, courageoues, complassionate, and connected - to banish these self doubting ideas that paralyze us from all the things we want in life. Because everything I do matters. It matters to her. She watches what I do and internalizes it. What I do, who I am is what she becomes.

She's imperfect too but DEFINITELY enough.

 And although I am certain that I will lose battles along my journey, I know that this demon gremlin of self doubt hasn't got a chance now because her united Imperfection fist armed me with what I need for the first step of this fight: my cause.

I share this vulnerable space with you for the same reason that I asked Husband to come along for the ride... because I know at some point in this fight to challenge self doubt, I will need allies. And if you reading this has ever felt even a smidgen of self doubt, you will understand that allies are important. 

What's On Tap This Month - OCTOBER

Orange is the New Black

How many things have you done in your young adult life that were just stupid? Like the kind of stupid that even as you were doing it you said to yourself God, this is stupid? In this Netflix original series, Piper is sent to jail at 34 for a crime she committed 10 years earlier. When she was 24, Piper was madly, passionately - I'm so in love I'd do anything - even stupid things like smuggle drugs for this person - in love with her lesbian girlfriend. 10 years later, seemingly grown up and no longer a lesbian or drug smuggler - and now engaged... to a man, Piper is going to prison for what she did a decade earlier. The show is funny and smart and tells her story while simultaneously telling the stories of the other women that share her life behind bars. In the few episodes that I've watched she has been starved out, has become someone's "wife", has broken up with her "wife", and has seen and chased a possibly imaginary chicken. You can forget sometimes that we all have stories and that we all have reasons - stupid or well intentioned - for the decisions we make. This show is a reminder that we all make mistakes, even the blond yuppy whose soap she hopes will one day be sold at Barney's. Oh wait, wasn't the Martha Stewart? Well, I guess we can all make mistakes.

The Matt Walsh Blog
This guy is the real deal. He is sharp, precise, and unapologetic. No pussyfooting around. It is a breath of fresh air to hear someone who just says what needs saying. After I'm done reading some of his posts, I actually wish I had written them. I like his material. I like his style of writing. Just check him out at the best titled blog, The Matt Walsh Blog. You might hate him, but he'd be fine with that.

Picture credit:The Matt Walsh Blog

Be That Person...

 (For those of you with sons this could easily be "Be the person you want your child to become.") 

I downloaded this photo recently from my SITSgirls Facebook page. SITS is a space "where bloggers could find their tribe and grow their audience." Although I don't use it much on that level yet, I have come to like a lot of their postings and pretty pictures on my FB feed but this picture really hit me on some deep level shit. I have been struggling lately with the whole balancing act of motherhood and womanhood and these words kind of broke me down because when I think of it this way, maybe I'm not always as awesome as I think I am. Like if I think of my behavior throughout a whole day would I really want my daughter to be just like me? I'm just saying we all have our moments and maybe we could work on our imperfections by accepting that we have them. Just a good reminder...

Neutrogena Naturals 
fresh cleansing + makeup remover
I am slightly addicted to products. I like to read about, try, and buy new products. But I don't always come back to products. This is not one of those products. I started trying this face wash last year and was astounded by how well it actually worked as a makeup remover because I can't stand when I wash my light makeup off my face and see all of my makeup on the towel, like Didn't I just wash you? What are you doing here? But when I use this cleanser and then dry my face with my white towel - specifically white because I am a glutton for punishment and want to see that my makeup cleanser actually cleansed my face - I love seeing that my towel is still white. Side note: I have tried other Neutrogena products that I do not like nearly as much as this particular one.

PicMonkey
I've been using the photo editor PicMonkey for about two months. At first, I have to be honest, I didn't get it. I wasn't sure what the hype was all about but once I got to playing around with it more, I got it. I get it. PicMonkey lets you collage pictures and edit photos with texts, overlays, and frames that might otherwise be slightly boring. For bloggers especially, it is a great way to add that extra wow! factor. Most recently, I updated my family introduction picture, blog header, and my guest post introduction using PicMonkey and am excited to see what else I can use it for. My favorite part: no registration required, no email address needed. You can choose to upgrade for a low monthly (or yearly) cost but for now the free version has been totes useful.
PicMonkey in use:

Sunshine on a Not So Sunshiney Day

Since Today is a nonsunshiney day here in the Dominican Republic, I decided to work on my Sunshine Award nomination. How very ironic of me.  What? I'm an English teacher at the core. What do you expect?
So thanks to a fabulous group of blogging friends on facebook, my little blog, Drinking the Whole Bottle has been doing well - kinda like the Little Engine that Could - it keeps chugging along. (<-- get it... chugging? sorry. couldn't resist)
Like my last award, this one is also an award presented by fellow bloggers. From looking around, The  Sunshine Award is given to bloggers who are:  

I'd take anyONE of those adjectives SO thanks boss lady from Superfresh Babypants for nominating me. No, really. She goes by boss lady. How fun is that??? As with The Liebster Award, there are some rules to follow to complete nomination, but many of the rules are the same and a bit repetitive so I'm making these my rules for completing this nomination: 

1. If it takes longer than 30 seconds to come up with a fact, an answer, or a question... I'm skipping.
2. I will write down the first answer that comes to mind. No thinking and rewriting which is usually why these take me so long to write and post.

And go...

• Acknowledge the nominating blogger as I did with boss lady  ✓

• Share 11 random facts about myself: ✓
• I do not have a middle name... and I kinda like it. I like that I'm just Jen Legra.
• I was nicknamed Lola by some girls I work with. To this day, some of our clients still don't know my real name
• My birthday falls on Inauguration Day and is on the cusp of Capricorn and Aquarius.
• I sometimes can't remember how old I am anymore.
• When I'm channel surfing, I will always stop at Law & Order - no.matter.what. 
• My son, Santiago Paulo is named after ( a few things but mainly...) my favorite character of my favorite book and his middle name is the author's name. (Santiago in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho)
• My alter ego is Animal Jenvenger. Get the full story here.
• Technically, I'm a cougar since Husband is younger than me. Grrrr...
• I cannot physically write texts using text language. C U L8R drives me INSANE! I'll spend the money to send two texts.
• But I do use lol and btw like I invented them. 
• This blog used to be called Our Buena Vida.

• Answer questions nominating blogger created for me: ✓
• Coffee or Tea: definitely coffee but more like cappuccino.
• Favorite Season: fall. everything about it. 
• Favorite Holiday: considering i've already started to listen to Christmas music... I used to go by the name Jenny Christmas!
• Why did I start blogging: i started blogging as a way to keep our families back home in the "know" of how the kids were doing and our life abroad. then it grew into this beast. and i love it. blogging has saved me in so many ways.
• Favorite vacation spot and why: Aruba. This was the first answer that came to mind though I've only been there twice in my life. It is just a perfect place.
• Does technology make my life easier or harder: easier. SCARIER but easier. Technology is in control of so much nowadays that I am counting down until robots inherit the earth.
• What is the strangest thing I do that other people may not know about: can't think of anything
• Public school, private school, or home school: i went to public school and I don't think I turned out too bad.
• Favorite social media site: hmm... i like a lot. Facebook is definitely up there but Pinterest is kinda like heroin... I imagine.
• How do I unwind at the end of each a day: wine. you know, drinking the whole bottle and all that...
• Recycle, toss, or hoard stuff: i think i used to be in the hoardingish category. But then we decided to move abroad and i had to get rid of a ton of stuff. Now since we know that we are going to stay here forever, I find it easier to let go of things. 

• List (and tell) bloggers who I believe are: 

And here they are: ✓ The MaMade Diaries Momma Candy Real Housewives of NOVA Directionless Mom Perfectly Day by Day Rufmita Ciao, Chessa! Cropped Stories The Pursuit of Normal

• Post 11 questions that those bloggers will then answer.  ✓ish

↓

What better way to know these bloggers than to read their blogs! So here's my idea/rule breaking. Instead of posting 11 questions that these bloggers - I love reading - have to answer, I'm going to pose one question that they could then write their next blog post about. Or the one after. Or the one after that. Or never. Never is always an option. Basically, no pressure bloggers. So here's my ONE question for my Sunshines:

↓

My blog, Drinking the Whole Bottle, used to be called Our Buena Vida. From here I developed a guest series called Buena Moments because I believe that life is all about moments. Many moments. Moments that changed it all. What is ONE defining moment in your life? 

Say What? ASK AWAY FRIDAY

Ask Away Friday is a series that my lovely, creative, blogging, fellow NJ teacher Megan from The Patchwork Paisley has been doing for the last 10 weeks and she has asked me this week to be her partner in crime which I believe makes me Numero 11. I like 11. Good number. It means I'm twice the number 1 as number 1's. Anyway, we exchange 10 questions with each other as a way for our readers to get to know us better. 

1. I am lucky enough to know you and Mike beyond the blogosphere, and I know a bit about your "story" but for our readers sake and to refresh my memory- what made you and Mike decide to pick up and leave the great state of NJ for Santo Domingo? Sitting across from my fresh, new, sorta boyfriend, Mike, at Rutgers' infamous establishment Stuff Yer Face, we did what all new semi-couples do: talk about the things you want to do with your life while pretending to not be hoping that you'll do those things together. We didn't know then that we would get married and have kids but we both had traveled and had loved traveling and both wanted to experience teaching abroad - be it together or not. A few years later, we were not so fresh and new and I still wanted to go abroad but Mike had fallen into the Land of Security. He was happy at his school, felt secure, and was on his way to tenure. That is until Gov Chris Christie hit. Teachers were being blamed for all of New Jersey's problem and cuts were very Alice in Wonderland off with their heads. Although Mike was an exceptional, male elementary (hard to come by) teacher with life and zest for education he was one of the newest and was laid off. Being an exceptional, teacher with life and zest for education, he got an offer for a 3/5 position in his hometown high school. He loved teaching in his hometown. He loved teaching high school - a welcome change to elementary. And he loved coaching soccer. This was looking bad for me ever going abroad with this man. But as luck would have it, he surprised me. 
Over brunch one day he said, "So I've been thinking that maybe this is a good time to try teaching abr..." I was already online filling out applications. Being a teacher was so shaky in NJ at this time that I guess it gave him the platform to leap... and the net appeared. Dominican Republic wasn't necessarily on our list (who ever thinks of teaching in the Caribbean) but it's what the universe had in store. And just like that, the U.S. lost two great teachers to politics. (insert wink). A week or so later we would find out we were pregnant.
2. What are 3 things you miss the most about Jersey and 3 things you are the happiest to have escaped from? MISS MOST: I'll start by saying that I miss a lot. I'll also say that family is the obvi number one answer so let's check family off.  1. Family 1. Familiarity. Like just knowing my old streets and shortcuts and where the cereal aisle is. Or a quick run into the supermarket for spinach and running out 2 minutes later because they have it... of course they have it. Why wouldn't they have it? It's spinach. (Well, cause they don't always have everything here) But it's also the familiarity of knowing how people and our language work. No one would dare cut you in line in the states. Not. so. here. And Spanish, while a language I speak well, is not my first language, so when I'm upset or frustrated or making a joke, I can't always get my point across here the way I do in English. So... yes, familiarity. 2. Weather for sure! I never thought I'd miss cool air sooooo much. Earlier this week I put on yoga skinnies and a sweater over my t-shirt and socks. And then I remembered that I live on the hottest island on the planet and realized Shit. I must have a fever. Which I did. And you know what made me happy about being sick? I got to wear fall clothes. The next two sick days I bummed around the apartment happily sick because it wasn't sunny outside and it was raining and thundering. I was in heaven. It never rains for whole days here and sometimes I just want something that's not sunshine, you know?
3. Home. This is not the same as family, I swear. I miss - so much some days - just the ability to go home. Like to walk into my parent's house because the door is unlocked and without invitation and know where everything is and where everyone will be. My dad will be watching TV, and depending on the hour of day he will be sitting either on the couch or his recliner. My mom will be in the kitchen making him coffee or cleaning or cooking. Unless it's 8:00 and then she's in the garage watching her novellas...with my grandmother. The smells are the same, the lighting the same, that place... always the same. 
ESCAPE FROM NJ: 1. BILLS - the school pays our rent and gives us a monthly stipend which covers most to all of our utilities every month - including cell phones and internet. MmmHmm... better recognize. 2. The hustle and absoluteness of what life is in NJ. I'd have to be working. I wouldn't be home with our kids and writing. The End. 3. The ever present and worse getting political climate in the states. Are you back at work yet? 

3. 3 songs that describe you- one for your past, present, and one for your future. Go! Past: We are Young by Fun Present: Good Life by One Republic Future: Golden Girls theme song
4. Speaking of music, my fabulous future Tunesday Tuesday co-host, I know how much you love your tunes: put your ipod on random and list the first 5 songs that come on. (I can't remember if I asked you this one for your Liebster so if you dont want to do it again you can always cut and paste iPod - as always - dead. No battery. So instead iTunes on my mac. Song 1: Feelin' Good - Mr. Buble Song 2: Please Please Me - The Beatles Song 3: Father and Daughter - Paul Simon Song 4: I'm On To You - Neil Diamond (whew does this bring me back!) Song 5: So Much to Say - DMB 

5. Dump, hump, marry: Justin Timberlake, Chris Hemsworth, Christian Bale

First, I should say that I am a fan of the grimier Marry, Kill, F... of this game and ❤ playing it. Then I should add that I totally had to google Chris Hemsworth - although I was pretty sure I knew he was Thor - and was totally prepared to dump him. I shouldn't have googled him. It made this so much harder. ugh.Dump: Justin Timberlake  Hump: Chris Hemsworth - he just looks so down home goody yum, right? and he's Thor! Marry: Christian Bale - who wouldn't marry Batman? seriously.
6. One of the first things I remember learning about you is your awesome fashion sense and love of some killer shoes. Take a pic of your favorite pair and tell a story about where they have taken you. I bought these shoes y-e-a-r-s ago and they are still reigning champs as my favorite footwear of all time. They are just the most beautiful piece of art I have ever seen - and bonus - I can wear them. Megan is right. I love shoes. But I am also a sucker for vintage art posters and these Carlos Santana shoes combined my love for both. I named these shoes My Havanas. I name all my shoes. But I named these My Havanas because they have that classy yet nostalgic and fun vibe that I think is reminiscent of Old Havana. And funny you should ask for a picture of them... because I already had one. Here's a great story behind my Havanas. And another great story behind My Fabulounsounse shoes. (Because they were too fabulous to just be fabulous.) 

7. If you had complete control over how others perceived you upon first impression, what would you want someone to know about you immediately?

 I guess I'd want people to know that as confident as I seem and as outgoing as I may appear, we are all alike in that we are all unsure of ourselves at some point.    8. If you could hide one toy from your kiddies never to be seen again what would it be? Have you ever? (I definitely hide the play dough on occasion until she asks for it. I get so sick of picking it out of the carpet, Violet's hair, my hair...) I hide our iPod, our iPad, and our mac everyday. Because they are not her toys and she thinks they are.

9. I'm coming to visit you in Santo Domingo (I wish!) but we only have 48 hours to make the most of it. What would we do?

So I will keep this strictly Santo Domingo city capital style and will not include any of the awesome beaches we go to since technically they are not in Santo Doming but no worries, there's still a bunch of fun to be had.  Day 1 - Head to Guli's: my favorite coffee shop where I am actually currently sitting and writing while drinking the BEST caramel cappuccino you could hope to have in your life.  - Colmado: No visit and I mean no visit to the island is complete without a visit to the colmado. In New York, you would call these bodegas but unlike NY they sell you jumbos (Jersey slang translation: a forty [40 oz.]) of ice cold Presidente and you sit outside, shoot the shit, share beers with your friends, and get legally buzzed. Amaaaaze. oh. and in the middle of the day. - Take a Drive: maybe not riiiight after jumbos at the colmado but you have to, have to, have to be witness to the driving and traffic here. It's a must. And not just how crazy people drive but also how everything you can carry in your hands is sold on the street: mangoes, shoes, balloons, cell phone chargers, puppies. yes. you can sometimes buy puppies on the corner of Betancourt and Avenida 27. - Dinner at El Mesón de la Cava - this is one of those places that isn't found anywhere else. Opened in 1967, the restaurant is situated in a natural lime stone cave, created years ago when the "coastline hugged this cliff." Las Terrazas - the outdoor space to El Mesón is pretty freaking spectacular too.
Day 2 - Morning at Fiesta: it isn't the fanciest pool around but it's still a paradise within the city. So we'll start the day by heading to the pool having a piña colada... because i love them. - All day Colonial Zone: Get lost here. The heart of art, cultural, and history of Santo Domingo is in the Colonial Zone. Visit the Alpargateria where you pick out material and height for your own pair of handmade espadrilles while you eat tapas extraordinaire. Or colmado crawl in the zona with the best of us them! 

Click picture for more on Colmado Crawls

- Praxe's Bluffs: This place is spectacular beyond spectacular and than more spectacular. Apparently, our friend Praxedes was the first to discover this gem. By popping a u-turn on the malecon and then driving on til sidewalk's end and then dirt roading it, you come across this spot that's as Goonies-esque as the directions to get there.  It is the greatest tailgating spot ever and there is nothing like unpacking your car with 10 other cars and a butt load of friends and cheersing to this:

Rocktopus

view from our old Rooftop

- Kury Roof Party: Our first place of residence here wasn't the most modern looking of apartments but we loved it and enthusiastically called it home. The view is pretty unbeatable for an average apartment and the parties are epic. And maybe if we're lucky Rocktopus will be playing! 


10. hubby question: When was the first time he realized he was going to spend the rest of his life with you? (any guesses? Hi Mike!)
When I told him I was prego. HA! Not sure. Maybe the Christmas Party of 2010 when we threw the most epic, legendary, mythical Christmas Party ever?! Mike? Answer, please. 
Mike's answer: Uhhhhh. I'll call you back. (Thanks babe. You're a real romantic.)
Mike's real answer: He said at some point he started imagining us really doing this abroad thing and with a family in tow. Which in girl language means waaaay later than I knew I was going to spend my life with him which was immediately upon meeting. 
WHEW! Thanks for the great questions, Meg amd special thanks to those readers that made it til the end. If you're ever visiting Santo Domingo, give me a call. I'll make sure a Kury Rooftop Party is waiting! Definitely stop by The Patchwork Paisley to read my amazeball questions to Meg and her equally amazeball answers!

Bitch Please. I'm Writing.

"And what do you do?"
I dread this question. Not because I don't like my answer - although I still haven't quite found a way to confidently tell people that I'm a writer, stay at home mother - but because of the response I get when I tell some of these people that I'm a writer, stay at home mother. Because not only do these people usually poo poo the writing part, they poo poo the mommying part too.

It's like an Oh that's cute response.
A Yeah but what's your real job? response.
It's an Uh-huh but how do you get paid? response.

This is my real job. And I get paid in cookies. Thats not true.
I don't even get cookies.

And it isn't cute. It's hard.

It isn't easy to have a job that you sometimes feel the need to justify. And I'm not just talking about justifying it to other people, I'm talking about sometimes having to convince myself that I'm a writer, that all of this work and writing and time and non-moneymaking is worth it. So when these people ask me And what do you do? I dread the conversation that comes next.

Because I want to tell these people that they should wake up every morning and go to work for free (unless you count your two year old hitting you upside the head as payment - then yeah... I make bank). I wonder how many of them would still be at that job in a year? How about two years? I want to tell these people that think my writing/mommy days are spent checking my facebook that it's not easy to discipline myself every day. Every morning I wake up and feed, play with, and change my kids. Every day, I get shit done around the house while making sure my two-year-old isn't breaking said shit. Most days I have to get dressed while chasing my daughter who stole the lipstick out of my purse and is now full sprint down the hall like a thief bandit on the run. I can't use the bathroom or brush my teeth without Rafaella banging on the door screaming Mamiiiiii. And I won't mention in detail my 6 month old, Santiago who doesn't like to be put down - like not verbally. Physically. The life of a stay at home mom is as relaxing as using a restroom at a truck stop. So it's not. Relaxing that is. From here, I put those angels down for their 11:00 am nap and run out the door - -usually already in a full on sweat - to work on my writing - yep that other cute, not real job that I don't get paid for.

Every day at all moments I am taking in experiences, articles, moments, blogs that I could write about. My brain never turns off. It never stands still. (I am currently in schedule for a serious breakdown.)

Last night, in the middle of the night, I rolled our bed into the middle of the room and faced my feet where my head would normally be because there was a crazy lightning storm and I was sure that lightning would strike my head. I made Husband do the same. Hmmm... maybe I'll write about this tomorrow. That was my thought. Seriously?! Lightning could strike my head and I was thinking that this might be a good topic to write about.

Every moment of every day I do this. So when you ask me what I do and I say I'm a writer, stay at home mother don't look at me like I'm some grown up still trying to live out a college dream, like I do nothing for a living. And definitely don't look at me like I'm Franny Free Time watching TV or shopping online or gossiping on the phone...

Bitch please, I'm writing.

P.S. Thank you to one of Mike's student's parents yesterday who met me and said, "Oh hey. So you're the writer?"And not in that snarky way. That felt awesome!

Thank you Husband for obviously telling people that I'm a writer.

Somewhere in Between Two Time Zones

It occurred to me the other day as I was watching my daughter stare out our window at the trees and streets that surround our Mirador Sur apartment, that Santo Domingo is the first home my children will know. So when she says fore (which I am aware should be flores - but she's two, so cut her a break), it is the purple flowers outside of our window (whose name I don't know) that she is talking about because it is those flowers that she understands flowers to be. I first understood flowers to be dandelions. 

The thicker grass of Dominican Republic, so fat and strong that it actually feels like it can hold you is so different from the skinny blades of New Jersey grass that were soft under my barefeet. And the ladylike palm trees here that swing from left to right will be what Santiago and Rafaella know as trees. Not the bushy pines and full elms that wallpapered my window. Those will be as foreign to them as the coconut trees are to me.

It's such an interesting thing as a parent because 

so much of what I imagined doing as a parent involved the life I knew when I was a child. 

I never imagined my kids would learn to ride waves because I rode sleds. Being beach bums in New Jersey only existed from Memorial Day Weekend to Labor Day Weekend while building snowmen is a longer lived pastime than getting a golden tan. And there, we waited for snow to cancel next day's classes (pajamas inside out and fingers crossed). Here, we hope for a hurricane. 

The life I thought I knew for the children I would one day have was constructed upon the kind of life I grew up with in New Jersey. And I guess, as much as I wanted to be abroad, I never really thought about how differently my kids would grow up based on where in the world we landed. Didn't you always just think your kids would grow up the same as you? One is no better than the other. It is just an opportunity to see things differently; to understand that we don't all live the same and that sometimes the more we have the less we see and sometimes the less we have, the better we understand what matters. 

My kids might grow up to be the most amazeball drivers ever because driving here is unlike driving anywhere else in the world. All five senses have to be on high alert to drive here: eyes open and looking in every direction, ears at attention listening to a warning beep signaling I'm coming so move out of the way. Hands firmly grasping the wheel, my palm hovering over the horn - just in case - no slouching or Detroit leaning. Be alert. The busy, traffic jammed streets and the horns beeping like birds chirping will be background music to their little ears. In fact, Rafa drives her little Old McDonald cart around our house screaming, "Beep beep. Beep beeeeep." (And then adds an enthusiastic "Yeah," for her Beatles listening parents. High five.) And sometimes when I'm in the car, beeping my car horn at another driver Rafa belts out, "Beep beeeeep... jeesh." Where did she get that from?

But...

The melodic way the avocado guy sings his avocados for sale, every morning, will also be a comforting, familiar tune, like the sound of a lawn mower outside my window in the summer reminding me to not waste the day away. A delicious reminder that we are living on an island. "AguaCAte." That familiar song sung by the same Dominican voice every morning at the same time like a set alarm since our arrival was one of the first sounds to make me feel like I was home. 

They will think that there is no need to visit a supermarket when you could buy half of what you need from your car at every corner for a few pesos: mangoes, avocados, bananas, loofah sponges, sunglasses, nuts, balloons, cell phone accessories, calling cards, multiplication fact posters, garbage bags, ceiling fan dusters, puppies. What's that you ask? Did I just say puppies? Umm... as a matter of fact, I did. Yes. I have twice been witness to a man holding puppies for sale on Avenida 27. Lucky for Husband, I didn't have enough effectivo (cash) on me. 

Ceiling fan duster for sale. Sorry about the camera phone quality pic. 

But...

They will know that coconut water isn't sold in juice boxes at wholesale at Costco. Instead they will drink fresh coconut water from an actual coconut that they just watched the guy pushing the coconut cart machete chop open for them with two swipes of precision. Fish will be caught straight from the ocean that they are swimming in, grilled to perfection and served with a side of tostones to their rustic picnic table on the local beach for less than a Value Meal. And guavas? Well they can just pick one off the tree outside our apartment.

They will know unfortunately (and this is a major source of sadness for me) that not all dogs are as loved as Olive and Jersey. That some dogs' home is the street and that they struggle every day to find food and shelter. And they'll also know that some kids don't go to school because they are washing windshields for a quarter or whatever you decide to throw their way and that they too are wondering where they will find their next meal. 

But...

They'll know how lucky they are because they'll witness daily that not all people are lucky to have what they have. And they won't be able to turn a blind eye to how unbalanced the world could be. They'll question why they are lucky and others aren't and maybe they'll want to do something about it. I don't think I really got this either until I came here. I still miss it sometimes - that my closet full of shoes and my water heater and my air conditioned bedroom is a luxury. But I'm slowly humbled by learning about the things I can live without. 

Horses wander the streets here. So do chickens and roosters. A lizard the size of my small pinky dropped out of my cupboard last night and I only yelped a little. Life is slower, days are longer, and the evening breeze lifts the salt from the ocean water and carries it to the tip of your nose for you to smell the ocean air. 

View from our car and again my not great quality picture phone

But...

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the East Coast hustle, the shorter days pointing me in the direction of winter's arrival which allows me to rest and hibernate and do nothing, (I swear people are skinnier here because the constant sun makes you guilty to waste the day inside) and the evening air that smells of chimneys burning wood, warming up the cozy families that live inside.

My kids will know many things growing up that I didn't. They're growing up Dominican. And in the future maybe they'll grow up Argentinian or Croatian or Chilean. 

But with us as their anchor maybe they're growing up New Jersey too. 

And I hope they'll be the better for it. 

Santiago taking in the sun

Rafaella taking in the warmth of Starbucks

And the Jukebox Plays: Good Life

Music is such a big part of my life and my writing. "And the Jukebox Plays" is a fun little label to highlight some of the music that moves me, that inspires me - emotionally or physically. I hope you find some music that does the same for you. 

Feeling a bit grateful today. A bit slowed down. A bit chilled out. This weekend I look forward to an evening of drinking the whole [wine] bottle with the ladies, a night at the bluffs overlooking the ocean followed by watching hot Husband play a gig in his new band, and celebrating Canadian Thanksgiving with a butt load of friends. And that's not even counting how lucky I am to be a part of this little family of mine. It's a good, good life.

This song came out around the same time that I was getting married, 6 months pregnant, and moving here. It became a sort of soundtrack for our new life that Husband and I were creating together. In fact, this blog's title used to be Our Buena Vida (Our Good Life). At the end of 2011, New Year's Eve, Good Republic played this at midnight on whatever channel I happened to be watching the ball drop. Celebrating New Year's with Husband, my BF of 23 years, and the fact that we had just been pregnant together and had our healthy babies 6 weeks apart, was just too much for me. I lost all control of emotions and cried like I was letting out a whole year's worth of happiness and my gratitude for all the beauty that 2011 gave me. 
Still makes me tear up.
Have a great weekend. Be grateful!